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hi, babyttong,
how dare you calling me ttong?
but I forgive you cause it is my birthday and I might of poo when I was born.
like I said earlier, my memory last 1/2 second long.
If I ever get altimeters, put me in the ttong people house right away. I love to be with those people
and become a queen. Promise?
I want you to know that I might have swallowing problems and get long problems and die like halabuzi.
I might need the thick liquid food early. My throat is so sensitive.
I have korean interpreter job tomorrow. gotta go now
thank you for the flower that i am getting naeil.
Love you super duper diper much. ;}
**ttong [ddong means poop in Korean]
**naeil [tomorrow]
**altimeters- supposed to be “Alzheimer’s”
**halabuzi- supposed to be “harabuhji” [Grandpa in Korean]
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Mom: Look at new purse mom buy. Dubby dubby!
Me: Hah? Dubby Dubby?
Mom: Yes. Isn’t it beautiful?
(Holds up her Dooney & Burke handbag)
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I hope you didnot caught the cold. I finished the work and taking a nap now. Donot call me now, thanks.
Mom
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Mom trying to learn how to do the face -_________-
Mom: _ – _
Me: HAHAHAHHA
Mom: only can do that
Mom: this computer is no good why cannot
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Mom: Can you figure out how to use this toilet spray?
Me: (Looking at a purple bottle of Calvin Klein perfume) This is perfume…
Mom: It says it’s toilet spray, right on the box!
Me: Let me see the box.
Mom: (Hands me purple Calvin Klein box)
Me: (reads “eau de toilette”) This is NOT toilet spray. Eau de toilette is French for perfume!
Mom: I was wondering why it came in such a pretty bottle. It smells really good, do you want it?
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As I’m trying on huge bug-eyed sunglasses:
Mom: You look like Parrot Houston.
Me: Who?… Oh, Paris Hilton?!?
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Me: See Mom? (showing her my new car) This is it!
Mom: Oh, look good! No more dong cha! (Korean for busted ride)
Me: And I just got that job too! NOW are you happy?
Mom: Yes, I’m happy.
Me: NICE!
Mom: Now make me grandson and white you teeth.
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I’m Taiwanese/Chinese and my wife is Caucasian. Our son David was the first grandchild on both sides of the family. Naturally my Taiwanese mother got all hepped up and bought him a million articles of clothing, including a t-shirt with a picture of a rocket and the words “Little Firecracker” on the front. The subsequent conversation went like this:
Mom: Why do they call a child who wears this shirt a firecracker?
Me: I don’t know…probably because firecrackers are small but loud and colorful, just like kids?…
Mom: Hmmm. Makes sense. (Stroking David’s hair lovingly) My little cracker…
Me: (Cracks up)
Mom: What?
Me: Uh, Mom, “cracker” is a derogatory term that non-white people call white people. Not so good, when David is half white.
Mom: Why call a white person “cracker” to insult them?
Me: I don’t know. Maybe someone thought white people are bland and boring like a saltine cracker.
Mom: But crackers are delicious!
Me: Yes, they’re good with soup, but this has nothing to do with David’s shirt.
Mom: I do not understand insulting someone by calling them a tasty food. I eat crackers all the time!
Me: Mom, this conversation has gone on, like, 5 minutes too long.
(Silence)
Mom: Well, I still like crackers.
(82 votes, average: 4.10 out of 5)
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