My Mom is a Fob

Prosthetic eyeballs

Posted on January 30, 2009 at 10:04pm

When having a conversation about what biomedical engineers can work on…

Mom: you know, you could work on those new prostate eyebars.

OK is not okay

Posted on January 30, 2009 at 09:59pm

I was in the car with my older sister and mom one day.
Mom: You know, if you have a boyfriend now, its ok, you’re old enough to meet nice boys.
Sister: Thanks mom, I know, and no I don’t have a boyfriend.
Mom: Good because if you do, I’ll kill you.

A new kind of seduction?!

Posted on January 30, 2009 at 09:56pm

Mom: They had sexy harassment training at work today.
Me: What?
Mom: You know, sexy harassment training
Me: Mom! that’s not how you say it! It’s called sexual harassment!
Mom: O! I know. I just don’t like saying the word “Sexual”…it sounds so dirty!
Me: I hope no one sexy harasses you then.

Baha Men are in Hong Kong now?

Posted on January 30, 2009 at 09:52pm

*Song on radio*
Mom: They like to sing about left hand? What is coo?
Me: What?
Mom: They sing. “Coo ley goh joh suw” (in Cantonese that sounds like ‘Coo your left hand’)
Me: OH! “Who let the dogs out?!”

Mickey D’s, what you got?

Posted on January 30, 2009 at 09:50pm

Mom: Hi, I’ll take the uh…the uh…you know…the Big ‘N Nasty!
Cashier: Um…we have a Big N’ Tasty?

Calm as calm can be

Posted on January 30, 2009 at 09:47pm

I had just recently gotten over a 3-week phlegmy, congestion, cold

Mom: wassup?!?!!?
Me: i think i’m sick again
Me: woke up with dry cough
Mom: WHAT?!!?! you don’t dress warm enough, don’t get normal sleep, etc…. you mess yourself up!
Me: …can you calm down
Mom: i’m VERY calm down

Yuuuuuuuu (crank dat Soulja Boy?)

Posted on January 30, 2009 at 09:44pm

I was telling my mom about a guy I was interested in…

Mom: so anything happen with him?
Me: we kissed
Mom: yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu*
Mom: kissing is for husband only
Me: hahahaha
Mom: no sex before blood test though
Mom: that i’m more serious.

*ewwwww?

You need money or something?

Posted on January 29, 2009 at 06:44am

An online conversation with my mom about coming home from college this weekend just because I miss home:

Mom: u r a very sneaky person
Me: hahahaha
Mom: i have to be careful
Mom: i am a little suspiciuos about ur visit this weekend

Shit-takin’ Shrooms

Posted on January 29, 2009 at 06:42am

Mom went to Costco one day looking for the bags of dried shiitake mushrooms they used to carry.

Mom: (to worker) Excuse me, where are the shit take mushrooms?

Worker: (obviously trying to stifle a laugh) I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t have those *shiitake* mushrooms anymore.

Self-congratulatory card

Posted on January 29, 2009 at 06:38am

My birthday card from my parents looked very fancy, with a ribbon and everything, until I opened it…

“our son a result of good parenting.”

“Signed,

Mom and Dad.”