(337 votes, average: 4.85 out of 5)
Loading ...My mom had just moved to the US and was looking for mattresses at a department store. This is how the conversation went between her and a salesclerk.
Mom: Do you have any sponges?
Salesclerk: No ma’am, we don’t sell sponges here.
Mom: But I see advertisement! You sell sponges!
Salesclerk: Sorry ma’am, I think you’re mistaken.
Mom: Yes, you do! You know, those big sponges you can lay on!
Salesclerk: Oh, you mean mattresses??
{ 2 comments }
(489 votes, average: 4.84 out of 5) Loading ...We own a dude ranch, and my Taiwanese FoB mother is the cook. One day, a guest brought back a fresh trout for her. She cooked it up, put it on a platter, and thinking she was being very polite in offering the best part of the fish, stood in the dining room and said, “Would anybody like some head?”
{ 7 comments }
(280 votes, average: 2.90 out of 5) Loading ...My status on Gmail chat: “no LOST spoilers!!”
Mom: Guess what Jack did to Kate …HAHAHAHAH
Me: those two are boring anyway. don’t tell me anything about ben.
Mom: I fell asleep, Jack didn’t do anything to kate… I made it up
{ 0 comments }
(403 votes, average: 4.84 out of 5) Loading ...My mother followed my father along to his doctor’s appointment.
In front of the doc, she told my father, “don’t forget you need to ask for Viagra prescription.”
My father was shocked and asked, “Why?!”
“For your allergies!” she explained.
“ALLEGRA!” dad corrected.
{ 5 comments }
(232 votes, average: 4.63 out of 5) Loading ...Originally when we were talking about my moving to San Deigo, she said I had to become sexy to find a job. When I began recording however, she switched it up…
{ 21 comments }
(342 votes, average: 4.83 out of 5) Loading ...I visited my parents after nearly a year of being away and was talking to my mom about how I was doing at my new job.
Me: So it’s really busy but they said I’ve been doing really well, and I’ve been doing a lot of volunteer stuff which is good for promo—
Mom (cutting me off out of nowhere): Your face have so many dot dot dot. Dot dot dot all over. You eat too many junk thing?!
the next day, at a Chinese restaurant my mom’s friend works at
Mom’s Friend(in Cantonese): Oh, your daughter is so pretty! Pretty girl!
Mom: What?! No, look at her face!
{ 8 comments }
(123 votes, average: 3.78 out of 5) Loading ...I am nine months pregnant and this is the email my mom just sent to my spouse:
Hi C,
Will you look after J every time she goes take a bath. She is big and may be ark ward in the bath room and may fall…it may be dangerous if there is water spill on kitchen or bathroom floors, so please tell her to be careful ok. Thank you
{ 3 comments }
(121 votes, average: 4.13 out of 5) Loading ...After watching SNL the other day my mom comes up to me and goes
Mom: What’s a MILF?!
Me: Uh…
Mom: Is that like the milky flavoring?
{ 6 comments }
(346 votes, average: 3.49 out of 5) Loading ...Mom: it seems to me you have high hopes & expectations for our new president
me: well he is better than Bush
Mom: he gives very good speeches and touches everyone’s heart
me: yes
me: i didn’t think i would see a black president in my lifetime
me: but it happened
me: think about the little kids today growing up with a black president
me: that is amazing
Mom: this should have happened long time ago, we shouldn’t look at people only at their skin color
Can we just all AWW for now and forget that this is a humor blog?!
{ 7 comments }
(142 votes, average: 3.53 out of 5) Loading ...On Barack Obama’s upcoming inauguration:
“It is so great to finally have an intelligent president. I think he will definitely expire the younger generations.”
{ 0 comments }
Believe it or not, My Mom is a Fob is now available in print! Not only does the book showcase your favorite entries as well as never-before-published submissions, it also features essays by the authors, Teresa and Serena Wu, and a forward by comedian Margaret Cho! Grab your copy of the book today on Amazon, Borders, or Barnes & Noble!
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