My Mom is a Fob

Actually yes, but in a positive way. I've always wanted to go into art and my parents have been extremely supportive. My mom was a web designer (who wanted to go into fashion design), and her father an oil painter, while her mother was also a fashion designer! So she's grown up around art her whole life. She even bought me expensive art supplies YEARS before I even understood how to use them, and she's really helped to push me along. The difference is that she won't let me go into fine arts (too competitive), but she's very supportive about me pursuing a more technical field, like animation or architecture. She tells me nonstop that I have talent and that I'll get far in life. That's why she's so willing to let me do what I want! I guess it also helps that my little sister is the "genius" of the family, who gets straight A+s and will probably go to some IV league school. Having someone else play that role for me equals a lot less pressure for me! My sister actually wants to do design and business though, and my mom is just as supportive.

What I love about my mom is that she has so much personality. She doesn't want her children to grow up being doctors and lawyers and being the same as every other Asian. She wants us to be unique and who we choose to be. I'm glad to have a mom like her :)

I am quite sure my parents are on probation status with the Asian-American Parent Society...

When my mom found out I and my two sisters could go to the state college in town for free, she told us we should go to college for free or not at all. She wouldn't even let us apply to Ivy Leagues, since they don't give merit-based scholarships! (We got scholarships elsewhere and all left town.) (To her credit, she financially supported us all through grad schools at top-notch private universities.)

My parents told us to do whatever made us happy. I am a lawyer, one sister is a doctor, the other sister has an MBA and works for a huge multinational corporations. At one point, I was working in public interest making less than my secretary, my sister had turned down private practice to work in a research hospital, and my other sister was making pennies working for an environmental activist group. My father (who is a science professor who could be working for a pharmaceutical company) said "I have a doctor, a lawyer, and an business woman, and all of them are trying to make as little money as possible. I don't know whether to be proud or cry!" (He had a big ole' proud smile on his face when he said it.)

As I was studying for the bar, my dad kept emailing me to "take easy" and stop studying so hard... It was really sweet, but kind of unexpected.

I think their biggest influence in our education and careers, however, has been their life-long inculcation in social justice and improving the world we live in. I know they are proud of us, but I could not be prouder of them.

im majoring in psychology and my dad basically my whole family is bein unsupportive of my decision it is the most frustrating and discouraging thing in the world. My dad constantly tells me by the time I graduate out of college he would be dead are buried. My brother in law drives me nuts everytime he asks me my major and alwasy tell me the same thing Im wasting my time studying that. They just drive me nuts making fun of of me you would think they would support ur decisions more but that fam for u. I'm doin me and I'm not gonna let wat ppl tell me stop from doin what I wanna do with my life.

I went to Business school (Baruch College, I'm sadly not that bright for an Asian oh I'm a FOB too) mainly because my parents didn't want me to suffer economically in the future. I've always bawled out wanting to do music or art since I took interest in these subjects since elementary school. My mother some how convinced me to stay in business by offering graduate art school in the future, but Hell was not worth it. As what I can see here, although our parents know whats the "best" for us isn't necessarily the "best" for our life. I ultimately went insane and had depression issues and this is just the first year in business school. Fate tells me I obviously do not belong in a business-y environment. Right now I'm trying to rediscover my inner self found out I had an incredible commitment to science as well. After rethinking what I wanted to do with my life, I feel like my calling is in Medicine, and I love working with kids. I thought about Pediatrics for a while.

I did convince my parents to let me switch, but they're still not convinced that i'll even get into medical school due to my level of intelligence...erm how would you put "intelligence" on a scale of 1-10 for asian standards I would be a 6. And also 11 years of school is a long long way...


The point here is. If you don't like what you're doing right now in college, if you're miserable, something is obviously not working out. Sometimes if lucky, there has to be some break-even point where the Asian Parent and Asian Kid can work out an agreement such as my Pediatrics proposal, I rather go through 11 years of hell thats worth living than 4 years of WTF am I really doing this for.

And sometimes, you just gotta grow that backbone and do what you love and be sure of it. I've learned from the "wiser" do something you love, something worth sacrificing for, because everything else falls into place if you have the passion to make it work. [thats where people start disliking you though because you can do whatever you want and still make an awesome living]

ITS YOUR LIFE EMBRACEEEEEEEE IT!.

I am a recent graduate from CMU, majoring in Fine Arts. I also had a problem with my parents trying to decide for me what i should do for the rest of my life. My dad was a lot easier to convince since he's happy with me being happy and what not. The issue was with my mother, she was very upset when i told her i wanted to go into the arts. We had several arguments and silent passive aggressive treatments, but in the end i stood up to her and won.
This is partially because i'm the middle child and a girl. I have an older sister and a younger brother, both with higher priorities i suppose. Her only irk was that she knew i was the smartest and thought it was a shame to see me waste my brain.
I got into a great college on my own and met amazing people, working for awesome internships including facebook (zynga) and the Penguins (hockey) as an artist. i got to do what i wanted.
I think when you really want something its easier to fight for it, despite culture and financial stress. In this case, i had been denying what i wanted all my life due to the above worries only to realize a better part of myself.
Unfortunately, I no longer speak to my mother. This is my fault and my sacrifice for doing what i wanted, but i needed to change my way of thinking. She couldn't.

While parents do have your best interests at heart, good intentions are not everything. Understandably, as a general immigrant class, asian folks want the safe, practical road for their children - whether it be a professional (doctor, dentist, lawyer), family business, or finance. That said, this is YOUR life, and you have to live with your choice day by day everyday till you die. If you don't love your job and you have a passion for something else, you will hate yourself and worse, resent your parents. I'm a lawyer myself, I like it, but don't love it - I would be far happier doing what I loved.
I'd like to think that most parents, once they see how happy you are in your choice of passion, they would be happy for you too (as long as you're not starving i guess). It's hard when you're a kid trying to stand up to your parents (especially as an asian), but stand your ground you must. Remember, you're the one who must live with the consequences of that choice.

No. My parents wanted me to be a doctor. I went to art school anyway.

i wanted to do bachelor of pharmacy but i got rejected. i wanted to go into Bachelor of science programme so that i could reapply the other year since they gave priorities to applicants who did a year of BSc but my parents forced me to do medical imaging. according to them pharmacy is hard and i would have been unable to do it. am currently a second year medical imaging student.
i wouldnt say i love what am doing at the moment, at times i feel bad that i couldnt achieve my dream career and always think what if i did BSc and got accepted at pharmacy school. Sometimes radiography sucks, especially clinics.

I just spent a good deal of time reading everyone's replies to this topic and am feeling loads better knowing that so many of you have struggled with this guilt issue and somehow managed to make it work and be successful and happy.

I'm a chemistry major at UBC and, at the end of my fourth and final year, I'm already burnt out and depressed. This feeling has been creeping up on me every year, since I chose chemistry, but I figured it would go away, and my parents kept convincing me it was only because I was still young and every other faculty would be just as challenging anyway. So, I stuck to it. And, though there are some interesting bits, in general, I'm pretty miserable. I'm no good in the lab, and I'm ultra sensitive to any smells so working in a chem lab can be hellish. I just find no enthusiasm in my own field, and I can't relate to the passions of my peers. I just feel like the odd one out.

I took an introductory biochemistry course in the summer and I loved it. I realized how much I missed biology and more importantly, how freakin' relevant it felt to me compared to chemistry. It was an intense six week course, Monday to Friday, for 3 hours, but I relished going to class every day. I studied beyond what we had to know for the course, which was a big clue to me that maybe biochemistry is a better fit for me.

However, when I mentioned this to my parents, they freaked, of course. I told them I was thinking of adding a biochem degree after I get my Bachelor's (it shouldn't take too long since a lot of courses overlap with chem). But they would not hear of it. They were so concerned about me wasting more time going to school. If I wanted to go back to school, it would have to be for the masters and not for another undergrad degree! But I hate the idea of going back to the chem lab and being even more stressed for something that I don't really love. BUT I feel immensely guilty. I want to get a decent job so I can pay them back every cent, so they can relax and enjoy their retirement. But but but, I really don't want to work in a chem lab. I've also been surfing job postings, and there are literally NONE bachelor's degree in chemistry. You'd have to get a masters at least to do anything at all.

Right now I'm feeling like I'm in some black pit of nothingness. I feel trapped and guilty and depressed. I guess I ultimately have to grow a back bone and put my foot down about this matter. I just can't help wondering if what they say is really true? When I start my biochem degree, will I also end up feeling crappy anyway? Am I just a commitophobe?

I always dreamed of doing something scientific as my main job (since I've loved since since I was a kid), whilst writing as a hobby (another thing I did constantly as a kid). It looks like this only works out well if you're a teacher, but I don't know if teaching is something I like, either. Bleh. I'm just a huge mess. But I feel a degree better reading about everyone else's stories. There's hope for me!

My roommate in college was under pressure to be an engineer like her 3 sisters before her (she wasn't Asian, but her parents were 1st gens from another country). She was struggling and miserable, but loved science.

She landed up getting her bachelors in education. She is now the most popular teacher in her county, and she is so very happy. Her parents got over it and love her anyway.

Find a summer teaching job, my friend, and find out what you love. On one hand, life is short -- don't waste time being miserable. On the other hand, life is not a race, so don't rush into anything. You sound young (I'm almost 40). Take your time. When you do what is truly best for yourself in choosing a career, you are actually doing what is best for your whole family -- not just the parents you have now, but the children you may one day have.

Praying for you,

PS -- my dad is a biochem professor!

You stuck through 4 years of something you didn't like. Not a commitment-phob-y thing to do. I've known students who changed program 3, 4 times!

If you start biochem, you might still feel crappy. If you go to the MSc, you probably will experience less than stellar days. From an optimization point of vue:

If you go do an MSc:
+ you get paid (you're *cheap* intelligent labor, but typically you can pay your own way without working some menial job, so your parents won't be shilling out [or very much less] for you)
+ you can get a chance to T.A. (so you can find out whether teaching is "you" without much commitment like applying for some "Teaching" certificate or the like)
+ your parents will like that it's not another undergrad
+ it's only 2 years
- Labwork ("this experiment isn't working yet" is common, however)
- jumping through hoops to apply (get x number of recommendations, find a prof willing to take you on & get a project ready before applying, etc.) [Note: internships are a really good way to get a feel for the lab in all aspects - work culture, colleagues, type of experimental methods used, general idea of what MSc project would entail...]

If you go the BSc biochem route:

- unpaid
- less than 4 years but probably more than 2, depending on how many classes they're willing to credit you (did you keep the relevant syllabi?)
- *graded* labwork
- parents won't like it
+ very likely to be a better "fit" for you

My words of advice? Try reconciling your actual knowledge & experience (i.e. undergrad chem degree) with a masters more biochem oriented. (The real difficulty is finding out what such programs are called at any given university.)

You could do an MSc in medicinal chemistry. It might be an option through your Pharmacy department. You'd intersect a lot with biochemistry (designing and making molecules that interact w/ receptors, DNA, whatnot), it would put your current degree to good use (I don't think you'd have much compensatory classes) and you'd please your parents by not doing another undergrad degree.

There are other masters options. Top of my head would be molecular biology & MSc in pharmacology (I've been told by some profs that some, especially the old guard, don't really trust anyone doing pharmacology unless they also have a full, tru-blue chem degree!) Or you could reorient yourself towards science journalism & the like.

Other tip: UBC must have a free orientation counseling service, so USE it! Also, really scour university websites (not just UBC) & find out what your options are. Included in that is searching for profs in the Biology, Medecine & Pharmacy faculties doing research that could use your chemistry expertise. Try to meet them; ask them for other names you could contact. Earnest effort & a positive attitude will get you a good response.

As a 20-something doing an MSc in cellular biology (who also figures being a novelist on the side would be freaking awesome!) I can attest to all of the above.

Being a third generation, my parents didn't care what I chose as my major, as long as I could support myself and liked what I was doing. They were extremely proud when I initially chose to major in Engineering. They bragged to everyone that I was going to be an engineer.

When I decided that I couldn't do engineering after all, my mom wanted me to go into Forensic Science or Law. She is a first generation while my dad is a second generation. I decided upon Criminal Justice and my dream career is to be come an police officer. As an Asian female, my mother was very concerned about my plans. Both parents are concerned about my choice, but ultimately it is my choice and they are being supportive.

The biggest problem I find that I have is my grandparents and when my parents tell other parents. Asian parents at my church constantly come up to me to dissuade me from my choice and accuse my parents for being bad parents for letting me pursue a policing career. My grandparents still believe that I will come to my senses and become a Lawyer.

my first generation asian parents wanted me to be an engineer major. its been 3 years, I'm doing okay but i'm miserable. I'm not even that smart, but I really excel and love political science classes. fuck the Asian culture ..FUCK the Asian culture and its false views on financial stability. because money and security will always comes before happiness. if your a freshmen or about to to get into college. find a major that you LOVE, not a major that you were forced to get into

the miserable engineer

I recently graduated from NYU, majoring in Social and Cultural Analysis (concentrating in Asian Pacific American Studies and Metropolitan Studies) with minors in East Asian Studies, Music, and Pre-Business.

Safe to say my parents weren't thrilled with my choice of major. Right before I graduated I got into this enormous fight with my father, where he basically accused me of wasting his money on a useless degree and generally just being selfish. He has this dream where I would take over the family business, which would've meant majoring in something less liberal arts-y and more business-y (both my parents tried to convince me to transfer to Stern; I vehemently refused).

So to please them, I took up a business minor, which basically destroyed any hopes of me getting Latin honors, something I was trying extremely hard to do.

I also discovered way too late in the game that I was interested in becoming a museum professional (for most of my life I've not known what I wanted to do as a career, as I didn't really want to go into the family business, but was basically too scared to say no). Of course this didn't really fly with my parents, especially my father, who has been passive-aggressive about my career intrests.

Which brings me to now. Since I basically don't qualify to work in a museum (no M.A. and no art history experience) and because this field has relatively few jobs, I'm working for my father (stupid economy not hiring college grads), and on the way to applying for business school...maybe.

I've currently been struggling with this decision, as I'm trying to figure out a way to get a graduate education that would allow me to work in both my father's business and a museum, which means that I cannot become a curator but can aim to work as an administrator and maybe one day as a museum director. My parents, both of which were unable to go to college (thanks Cultural Revolution), cannot give me any advice at all about how to go about this, but at this point they trust me to make my own decision.

I think that for many of us Asians/Asian Americans/Asian wherever you're from, we forget that although our parents seem overly demanding and hard headed, they have our best interests at heart. They worry too much and try to guilt us into doing something that we don't want to (trust me, I have, according to my friends, the worst case of Asian Guilt they've ever seen) because they don't want to see us struggle.

I've also realized that for most of my life, I was trying to live to what I perceived as their expectations of me, not what they actually expected of me. Odd as it might sound, for probably 97% of us, our parents just want us to be happy. It just gets clouded over by things like making money, having a good marriage, or what have you. They insist on the stereotypical majors because in their eyes, that would give enough security for their child to live a comfortable life.

I can't say that my parents completely controlled my decisions, I mean, I majored in something that only NYU offers and it is a relatively new major (I mostly tell people I studied Anthro because it's easier to say that then explain what my major actually was). But I also took up an extra minor that I had no interest in for the sake of making my parents feel better. But, they are coming to terms to what I decided to do in college and I know that regardless of my not doing EXACTLY what they wanted, they are still proud of me (I also graduated a semester early, saving them $25000 and giving them bragging rights).

And you know what's funny about all of this? For the first time in my life they aren't there to help shape or at least point the way to my future. I'm taking time off before grad school because I need to figure out what exactly I want to study (business school or just plain grad school for art history or museum studies) and they can't help me at all. And this I find completely terrifying as for the majority of my life I've relied on my parents to give feedback on any major decisions I was trying to make.

My parents chose to take advantage of me. I had depression on my senior year, so they just took over the whole college process. They only applied to the 1 uni near home so I don't move out, and mark my major as Engineering and forcing me to stay in it. Been miserable for many years and they simply don't listen about how I'm interested in other areas. Areas that will probably even pay more. Maybe one day I'll get the courage to stand up to them.

Both my parents are FOBs and are pressuring. I'm in my first year of college and agreed on what they wanted me to major in because I didn't find out about what I was passionate about. Now I've decided to be a Geology major, which encompasses all I'm interested in: traveling, nature and science. I'm an honest person, so instead of going with my first plan which was to just major in what I wanted and tell my parents what my degree is on a few years later, I openly told them about what I WANTED TO DO. Their response was the usual Asian BS: you can't do that, that's selfish, you're not doing what's right for the family, you're not caring about your younger sisters, and this is wasting all our efforts. They've given me an ultimatum: either major in what they want (which is either Finance or International Relations) or go back to Viet Nam and work my way up to a Geology scholarship (Since I'm an international student, we spent a lot of time traveling so I'm fluent in English). I reasoned with them, logically only to be told that I'm being selfish, all my years of studying gone to waste, this is not the family plan, I'm not doing what's best for the "family". They never did tell me how majoring in what they wanted would benefit the family more than if I majored in Geology. So technically, they're being selfish. I don't want to play the blame game so I haven't said anything. It troubles me that my parents are like every other Asian parents out there, selfish and cruel, I thought all the traveling they did would have opened their minds. I am going to stick by what I want though, if I yield now, they're going to choose who I get to marry in the future and there is no fucking way I'm going to let that happen. Whatever happens, I'd just be proud that I got to do what I wanted to do and not what my parents wanted me to do.

Sorry this is very late but I think this is actually a fantastic blog, and I am extremely interested in seeing what other people with similar backgrounds have to endure through their schooling.
I guess I was a prototypical asian kid, that had the stamp "doctor" over me since the time I was even in junior high. Fortunately, I did make it and currently practice general medicine in the community, but definitely not with its hiccups along the way (ie. with lots of sweat, some tears and rejection, and ultimately success and redemption).
To this day, I do wonder if I chose this profession because my parents so ingrained it within me, or was it something purely of my own doing. I admit there was a ton of pressure as I always had the grades through high school and undergraduate studies, but I do enjoy what I am doing and likely benefitted from the extra push from my parents. I consider myself very fortunate to be in the position that I am in, and extremely thankful towards my parents.
My only word of advice to people now is to ensure you research the fields thoroughly before considering applying, and make sure it is something you want to do for the rest of your lives, irrespective of what your parents think.
I have a ton of respect for all the various occupations in the world and I am slowly trying to convince my parents that they are all equally important for society to work. It still annoys me when Asian parents over-idealized the professional occupations though, to the point where I don't specifically mention what I do to avoid the attention.

I'm a nursing student at LaGuardia College (NYC-CUNY); after I graduated HS, I wasn't entirely sure on what career to choose but it most definitely was not being an RN. However, my mother never really bothered to stop and ask me what I wanted -- instead, she kept talking about the benefits of being a nurse: good rate, job security, variety. It sounded pretty nice at first although I wasn't entirely buying the idea, however, every time I tried to hint that I might want to choose another career option, I get shot down and the only thing I end up getting is a f*cking guilt trip and a few statements about how nursing is the way to go because of the money.

The thing is, my mother's a single parent and I know she works very hard for me and my younger sister so choosing a different path right now would feel like I've failed and abandoned her. So now that I'm in the highly competitive program (which required students to work their asses for at least a 3.8 GPA on the prerequisites) -- I'm three semesters and 5 classes away from graduating the 3-year program and I really don't see any point in continuing. I spoke with my professor last week and there's this one question that has been bugging me ever since: "then what?" Even after I pass med-surg or even graduate and pass the N-CLEX exam, then what? I really can't picture myself working as a nurse for more than a few years - 5 years at most maybe. Is it really worth all the effort and time to please someone else and sacrifice my happiness in exchange for money and that?

I actually started out how my parents wanted me to. I had applied to a high school with a medical science program, made pretty good grades and interned in hospitals. College wasn't a choice and I never thought of it as one. When I was a senior in high school, I just picked two in-state colleges (although I really wanted to go out-of-state but didn't because it'd be too much of a hassle) and applied. I was accepted to both and I became a Human Biology major, with the intent of going into the medical field. I was interested in becoming an ophthalmologist. That's where everything went downhill (for my parents).

My first semester, I passed my biology courses but did rather badly in my chemistry courses. I decided to do some rethinking because I know one's GPA is rather important and passing doesn't cut it. I decided to stick with Biology as a minor and became an Anthropology major.

I'm currently a senior in college applying to Medical Anthropology graduate programs, and am a double major in Anthropology and East Asian Studies with a minor in Chinese.

My mother's still in denial. My dad doesn't say anything.

I just found this site last week, so my reply is late too.

My career was heavily influenced by my parents. My original choice way back in high school (after the thought of becoming an actress was smacked out of me) was to become an interior designer. My dad said that I'd have to be really good to go anywhere in that field and that frankly, I haven't shown myself to be particularly gifted; so what about being an architect, the architects tell the interior designers what to do.

So after some time, I decided that yes, I'd love to be an architect. At which time, he said, "Well, what about a civil engineer? they tell the architects what to do so their lives are a lot easier." I really didn't want to but after a lot of pushing, tried for civil engineering at 3 schools. One school accepted me in civil, but wasn't THE school engineers go to. The school I was "destined" for accepted me in environmental engineering instead, so that's where I headed.

Which was fine. I completely sucked at and was bored to death by soils and concrete and would've totally failed civil. I'm good at my job and there's plenty of work, and it may be very stupid of me, buuuut now that I'm married and therefore uncontrollable, I am seriously thinking of taking steps to becoming a writer because my passion is just not here.

I'm doing English and Visual Arts, and my mom is often very worried that I'll starve to death but is trying to come to terms with it by telling me to get a stable governmental job with good health insurance. She doesn't talk about it too much though because she knows I'll get angry and I don't really listen to her anyways haha.

im an artsy sophmore in high school now.
im interested in graphic design, forensic art, and fashion illustration.

my mom is begging me to either do interior design, or fashion. her dream for me is to own a big store full of old lady fashions. its horrible. she envisions this so much, that she has developed some kind of schizophrenia that convinces her that the dream has/will come true.

my dad on the other hand doesnt give a shit about what i major in, as long as i get a perfect 2400 on the SATs. BIG FREAKING DEAL DUDE art school like doesnt even look at them, am i right????

so yeah. im an average student with a 2-ish GPA, striving for it to get to at least 3.8 or higher, but there are so many things that try (and succeed) at fucking up my life.
i wish my parents would just back off. whenever its dinner time, i ask "how was work?" and their responses would be something like "better, if only you had passed the SATs."
guess what?
i didnt even take them yet.
-shrugs- *giggles*
school is lame. why cant i just take art and skip physics class? -_- physics only screws up my GPA.

I didn't have a plan except that in the 2nd grade, I thought I'd go to college, get a Master's degree (didn't even think Bachelor's at the time, but didn't know what it was), and work at some company like how the Japanese do it (salaryman/office lady, anyone?). Honestly though, because life is about living, not working, I didn't think about the after-college job prospects. While applying for colleges, my mom told me to do accounting, and I found it boring, so I did theater instead. Luckily, as fob-tastic as my mom is, she didn't get angry at me like I'm sure a zillion other Asian moms would. It also helped that I paid my own way through college and made it clear that no one is allowed to make up my mind for me in regards to my own education that I'm paying for. She just told me to make sure I knew what I was doing. After college, I ended up doing some performance gigs and then teaching English in Japan for 2 years. Now I'm looking to be a magazine/news/book editor because I've been doing that on the side of teaching and performing.

Parents can influence your choices but they shouldn't be allowed to make them for you. You will grow up spineless and unable to function in the US if that happens. There is a reason why Asian guys get less play than their US counterparts; the focus is on school and having nothing get in the way of that and a "sound" career (choice). These guys end up not knowing how to interact with women. In the old days, the mothers took care of 'finding a suitable partner' for you so that you could focus on your education/schooling, so the "old ways" do not work here. Also, the way we use English to communicate is different than communicating in any Asian language. Less formalities and can be just as polite, but straight to the point.

I'm currently majoring in Graphic Design and Sociology - and my mom has always been very chill about my choice. She basically says to me, "Just as long you love what you're doing and you can make a living off of it, that's fine."

However, I can't help but to think that she has given up on me a little, since she seems more focused on my little brother, who's majoring in Computer Engineering. And they both drop hints that if I don't have money, at least I have my brother to help. Hahaha...

I'm from Australia and I'm hoping to study Optomtery (it's quite interesting, despite being an idea given to me by my dad) next year. Although you may say that Optomtery is a rather "respectable" and "financially stable" occupation, my dad still can't give up on the hope that I will choose to study Medicine. He would drop hints here and there that doctors are needed everywhere... Since, he has gotten word that my American cousin (1 year younger) is considering Medicine at Berkeley, the hints have gotten even more frequent.
Blood and guts just don't go well with me. At least my mum is content with whatever I want to study. Sigh.

I'm from Australia and am currently studying Optometry. I can completely understand where you are coming from-- I had a high enough UMAT and enter score, and was accepted into med around the country- but I chose optometry because its something I chose to do
My mother does not hide her disappointment and says that I still have the chance to transfer to med or dent.
Furthermore, you would also probably be surprised to learn that a lot of people in my course are only studying it because they didn't score high enough for med or dent.
But i'm glad your standing strong, it is really interesting and the future outlook is very bright.
I would, however, like to add that even though you won't be exposed to blood and guts as an optometrist, in the first few years of the course you have to dissect animals and work with dead human bodies

Well, sounds like I'm not adding anything really new to this convo, but maybe someone will find something useful in it.

My pop got a Masters in Computer Engineering from Stanford and owns his own business. He of course wanted me to take over the business so he laid the computer programming bit heavy on me. I started comp sci at UCSB, but hated it. Switched to physiology, which he did not support at all and continually told me was a dead end major and that I should switch back to comp sci.

After graduation I worked in the biotech/pharma industry as a scientist for 4 years and made a good living for myself, which I think surprised my pop. He would occasionally call and try to see if I was struggling so he could lay his computer science speech on me again.

I'm finishing my Ph.D in organic chemistry and NOW my pop finally supports my decision to study science. And really, only because I'll be the first doctor of anything in my family so he gets some form of bragging rights. Who woulda known that 9 years of college and 4 years of gainful employment was all it would take to earn my pop's respect?

I want to be a pastry chef, and of course my mother is against it.

I wanted to be a chef (I love cooking) and after months of the starving chef stories, it's now just a hobby....

I'm originally from western Canada but decided to move out east for university to gain some sense of independence from my parents. Everytime I call home with a problem, say organic chemistry is kicking my butt, my mom says, "I TOLD YOU. You should have stayed home and gone to school here and you wouldn't be having this problem. You never listen." Yep, because that helps.
Haha, and my parents are the sole reason why I'm still in Life Sciences (pre-med). So much for independence eh?

Hey, do you go to Harvard? Because the pre-med program there is heavily related to its Life Sciences department, and I've never heard of other universities calling bio/chem/physics as a Life Sciences aggregate.

So why don't you drop it if you hate it?

My guess is the OP's in eastern Canada ... so probably University of Toronto, whose pre-med program is called Life Sciences and is known for being pretty difficult.

Really late replying to this. But to answer the question, yes, my dad has deeply influenced what I'm doing. If I could have it my way, I'd be going to fashion school/design type program. I've ALWAYS told my dad thats where my interests laid and he always said 'you are still young'. Which I was. But it didn't change. In highschool, I was sewing and making my sketches into clothes. I'm in my 2nd year of uni now and doing SCIENCE. After long nights of arguing about post secondary after highschool, I decided to go his way. He never said do dentistry, but I could tell he always wanted me to do some science thing. What doesn't make sense is he puts me in piano/sewing lessons/violin as a child. Anything to make this big artistic part of me come out, and then when I want to pursue it, it's of course against what he wants for me.

This is definitely late. Sorry about that.

My parents didn't really have an influence on what I decided to do in life. However, they did have a part in getting me to where I am. My parents moved into a different city so that I could attend a prestigious high school. After that, I went to a UC and spent a few years working. I knew I wanted to go to law school and now am staring at graduation next year.

My parent's influence is very subtle. To this day, my mom reminds me that I went to a really good high school and that I wouldn't be where I am today if she and my dad hadn't made that decision for me. While I am deeply appreciative of the sacrifices my parents have made for my future, it is really difficult to convey the fact that "name brands" are not immediate indicators of success. My mom hangs onto high school because of the bragging rights it gives her and often suggests that I should've/could've done better in order to go to a prestigious college (no doubt to give her more bragging rights). And I'm sure that if I went to Harvard law, she would be ecstatic. But ultimately, I am happy where I am. And I am sure they are proud of me in their own way. I'm know this is a tale often retold among all of us 2nd generation Asian Americans but it doesn't make it any less relatable right?

Being the first born, my parents had a lot of high hopes for me. Despite my deep love for illustration and digital art, I was either to major in PreMed, Engineering, or PreLaw (like every Asian child). We fought a lot over this, but I gave up because my dad threatened to not help pay for college. I reluctantly went into UCI as a computer science major (being from Silicon Valley and all) - until I dropped out of the major due to horrible grades. I weaved in and out of majors that my parents approved until I found one that I wouldn't flunk out of, which was biology. I graduated with okay grades, but was SO burnt out that I didn't pursue med school nor grad school afterwards.

Three years have gone by since I graduated college, and now I work in Marketing/Advertising. I use none of the knowledge I gained in college except for some Excel skills, and get to work with a lot of photography and graphic design - which was what I wanted to major in the first place.
Since I'm doing fine on my own, my parents don't really bother me about school anymore. They've also learned to let my younger siblings major in whatever they want - so my younger sister majored in Dance, the youngest one is currently pursuing Graphic Arts and Architecture. It saved the family from yelling/screaming/stress, and we all turned out fine.

My parents and I always knew I would major in architecture. The only thing was that only a handful of name brand schools offered the program I was looking for, including Cornell. When I first starting the college application process, my dad was FURIOUS my first choice school was Cornell.

Dad: "CORNELL IS THE WORST IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL! IT DOESN'T EVEN BELONG IN THE IVY LEAGUE!"
Dad: "HARVARD IS THE BEST."
Me: "HARVARD DOESN'T HAVE AN UNDERGRADUATE ARCHITECTURE PROGRAM."
DAD: "YOU ARE TOO STUBBORN! YOU WILL LEARN IN LIFE!!!"

After that argument in early fall, he gave me the silent treatment until I received Cornell's early decision in December.

Today, my dad finds every excuse to inject "Cornell" into the conversation.

SCENARIO 1
Money changer: So what currency do you want?
Dad: USD. Because my daughter is going to Cornell, #1 architecture in the states.
Money changer: ... ok.

SCENARIO 2
On a poster he made for my HIGH SCHOOL track meet:
"GO GO CORNELL ALUMNI!!!!!"
Me: "Dad, you can't use 'alumni,' because I haven't graduated yet!"

I know this is months after this was posted, but I thought I'd contribute anyway. Hi Serena! :)

I applied for college under my "desired" major in the music department. This was purely my mom's idea for me to get in and then change to whatever major I wanted. Little did she know that since the department is so small compared to the other ones, they would be a lot more picky about their selection. I still wonder what my chances were with the other schools if I picked a more "normal" major instead.

At UC Irvine, I started out as an Asian American Studies major and was in the process of changing majors my second year. I chose psychology but my mom kept pushing me to stick with the biological sciences or something in business. Those were the two fields she wanted me to go for...until she looked up the UC Irvine website and emailed me links to the: anthropology, engineering, ICS, music, and economics departments!

It took her a while to accept my decision and I'm glad I stuck with mine. Going to graduate next year! Woot :).

they did not impact me at all. i am absolutely one of the black sheep of all of my asian-american family friend brethren community... i majored in sociology, and i work primarily freelance and contract work and have never had a 9-5 job for more than year (and i've been graduated 4-5). i run a music and art magazine (http://www.redefinemag.com)... and i suck at math. my parents were never really concerned with what i did because i was always kind of a bad student, but i'm not an idiot. :P initially they didn't quite understand and sometimes they still don't, but they're generally fine with it now.

the only thing i think that made a difference is that growing up in an asian-american family, i always thought any kind of major was more legit than an art major. and i regret not pursuing an art major (although that is what i do for a living now, more or less... i could have used more training).

wow, i feel like the worst kid on here.

went into illustration, flunked out for 1 year, didn't even tell my parents about it, and they found out 2 years later when i was about to graduate (congratulations! wait...weren't you suppose to graduate last year? ....)

when i asked my mom if she ever objected my career choice she said, "i objected. but i know you are a rebellious kid who never listens to anything I say. I just wait for you to make your own mistakes and hope you will learn from them."

did you become a pharmacy tech?

I had a double major (English & Biology). I know many Asian-Americans who had to major in two subjects, because their parents didn't approve of the first one. Examples:
Art & Accounting, Dance & Dentistry, Music & Microbiology. (Unless you went to Julliard, and then you are in a string quartet with your three sisters.)

http://aaprincess.com

I'm going to be attending the University of the Sciences in Philadelphia in the fall as a Pharmacology/Toxicology major. My parents didn't really have a bearing on this choice. I'm going to be premed and that was a choice all on my own. In fact, my parents really would rather me not become a doctor. They always wanted me to do something in business, but that's just not my thing.

I'm a chemistry major and I've always loved science. My parents did not influence my major, and I would not have let them even if they tried. My mom wants me to even get out of chemistry. She thinks it's too dangerous.

Reading this is interesting, seeing how Asian culture worked into all of your choices. I'm not Asian, I'm Mexican, and my family tried to push all of us to become teachers (mostly my grandmothers and older generations). In Mexico being a teacher or professor is a really respected profession, or at least it was in my grandma's time, and it usually offers good financial security because it's a government job and you get a steady salary and good medical insurance and retirement plans. My grandma thinks teachers are the most learned and best informed people out there. Funnily enough, not one of her grandchildren has gone into teaching so far...there's one in Architecture, another one in Nursing, and three in Engineering.

I chose to go into speech pathology, I'm applying to grad school this summer to get a combined MS/PhD. My parents are supportive about whatever I want to do, but I think my grandmother is disappointed because she thinks if I'd gone into teaching I'd be done and out working by now. I've tried to explain that teachers here aren't exactly paid that much, but she has her own ideas about what it is/was in Mexico. She doesn't even know exactly what a speech pathologist does. She does tell everyone about it, though, so I guess she's proud in her own way, even if I didn't become a professor.

I'm a 23-year-old college grad whose academic experience was undeniably shaped by expectation and precedent:

1. 2003 - accepted to Penn College of Arts & Sciences
2. Freshman Year - interested in Physics and Japanese studies; promptly reminded academia won't pay the bills; Physics turns into Econ and I submit an app to Wharton for business
3. Sophomore Year - transfer to Wharton intent on studying Finance, but discover Statistics
4. Junior Year - Discover Marketing as well, but promptly reminded by Dad that Marketing wouldn't pay the bills; rebel and continue down this path
5. Senior Year - reminded again that Marketing wouldn't pay the bills, this time by both parents; agree to take an extra semester to complete a Finance degree
Conclusion: Finance (begrudgingly), Statistics, Marketing; Minor in Japanese

And I didn't even give physics a chance. Tbh, I'm still not sure whether "learning to love" is a viable academic or career option.

What are others' thoughts on majors you didn't care for... Did any of you learn to love the major you didn't want?

The whole 'learn to love' thing is bullcrap. I've never seen it in anyone I know. The most I've seen is that they slowly accept it and live with it, not LOVE it.

I'm pretty sure my dad has learned to LOVE my college choice.

It's always been a struggle with my parents in the duration of my school career. They really pushed me to do well in math and science, but I couldn't grasp it as well as my older brother, who went on to study bio and then nursing. I've always had that feeling that they would have preferred me to go into nursing (yes, I am Filipino) or something science-related during high school. My mom used to flip out whenever I did not do well in biology, chemistry (almost failed), and physics (almost failed as well). Now, they're very supportive of me; however, they keep suggesting to me that I should apply to big name grad schools like Columbia and Princeton after I graduate with a degree in international studies and (gasp!) minor in East Asian studies.
Throughout my life, I've been a little rebel who's regarded as stubborn. My parents understand I'm not as great in math and science as I am already with history (my major when I first entered college) and literature. I have been recognized for that by some of my professors, which made my parents more proud of me. (My professor for western civ class is one of the most hilarious people you'll ever meet in a classroom setting, yet his exams are known to be difficult. He was handing back our exams. He looked at me dead in the eyes and said to me you cheated. My heart skipped a beat as I looked down at my exam he handed to me and saw I got a 100).
My dad says I get my interest in history from him and my late maternal grandfather, and my mom once remarked I got her love of reading from her. I'm very thankful they are not as stringent and bent on nursing and biology like some of our other family friends. I have a feeling that they look down at me because I'm not pursuing nursing or bio like their kids. At a family party, one suggested I would be good at nursing like my mom. I mentally balked at that lol.

I wanted to be a rock star and a novelist, so my parents pushed me into getting a Communication degree. i didn't really like working in that field, so my parents suggested I do a Masters. they wanted me to become a Professor, so I decided to rebel by becoming a lawyer.

...i think my parents won.

Yes, all the way until college, for me and my siblings it was all about science, science, so we did physics, chem, bio, etc. We were going to be into pre-med or pre-law. That's parents' influence, but in the real world, since they were aiming for perfect (MD JD somehow...not my idea), we all came short of that - one of my siblings dropped out of grad school due to lack of interest, now on his own thing....

I decided pre-med is not me, yeah so maybe I have some of the smarts (I chose to take MCAT b4 junior year of ollege, my GPA was not 0.0, etc.), communication and language skills in today's world, and ppl come from ALL over the world to study Western medicine at U.S. med schools (thanks to parents reminding me), so there's lots of expectation and pressure, and we didn't really have a second choice, BUT in the end I found I'd rather do something else with more personal freedom, still in healthcare, like be a nurse or P.A. at an Asian clinic (since my written/spoken Mando is considered fluent), so I have more time to commit to family (which hereto I had neglected sadly) and other things.

I'm not worried about the money, the reputation or anything else associated with M.D., and I really like some pre-meds and M.D. people, I look up to them a lot, but a lot of the "jealous" feeling I originally had is fading, as I realize that I have to be realistic about myself, too, despite parents' expectations, society pressure on us Asian Americans (even my Asian friends get way less pressure, if only they knew what ABCs go through).

Yes, in end it's a personal choice. So, I'll probably be seeing M.D.'s every day, but I am comfortable in the choice I make. I sure wish, though, that my parents had been more supportive of my decision change with regards to career and other things. I do envy those with that kind of supportive parents. Then again, they probably want the pre-med daughter, so it all evens out.....

I wanted to go into computer science at first, but then my father talked me out of it by saying girls aren't good enough at math to go into that field (my brother got to choose that major and is very successful now). I was actually better at math than he was. So then my only other interest was art, so I decided I wanted to be a fine arts major (painting, drawing, photography). My father said if I chose to do it, then he wouldn't help me out financially, and I would have to pay my own way through a local community college. I had applied to 6 schools (FIT, RIT, Syracuse Univ., Alfred Univ., Univ. of Buffalo and SUNY Fredonia) and got into all of them. So then, my father picked the major AND college for me, graphic design at SUNY Fredonia. My mother wasn't supportive either, and went along with my father's decisions.
I hated graphic design with a passion, and I did not like my college during all 4 years. The field killed all creativity, and I didn't have time to switch majors or minor in CS.
It's been 7 years since I've graduated, I worked in the graphic design field and hated every year of it, and I finally quit my job. Sometimes I wish I could go back and start all over.
So to all the girls with overbearing, sexist fathers, try as hard as you can to do what you want in life. I should've fought harder for my choices and I should've believed in myself when I wanted to be a dorky computer science geek.

Oddly enough, I have a completely opposite story from most of you. Like many of you I was pushed into Computer Science, even though my first passion has always been art and I know I'm good enough to be in the art industry since I've won lots of awards for designs and competitions. Nevertheless, I went along with it because even I can't justify college tuition costs for a Bachelor's in Art.

It's been 2 years since I graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Computer Science and I can definitely say I don't really regret the decision. I make a lot of money and with money comes leeway to create a cushion for myself if I ever decide to fully go into the art industry because the nature of that industry is high stakes. Why should I live in the street if it turns out no one likes my art? The problem with inexperience is that you don't know if you really like the industry, and what a lot of you don't realize is that, when what you love becomes a job... you might not love it anymore.

The best advice I can give is this: Do the hardest things while you're young, make a safety net for yourself, and if you still want to change your career in a few years, you have not only the financial security to take the risk, you have even more motivation to succeed. And if you don't succeed, or if it turns out you actually hate it, at least you have somewhere to go.

Hi guys I'm from Singapore.

In a typical Asian society, brand name and degree major plays a very important role. I was offered a place to study law in a prestigious local university, and accepted it initially. My father was ecstatic, needless to say. He went around telling everyone that his son was going to be a lawyer, and everyone around me gave me approving nods. The mention that his son is going to read law never fails to raise more than a few impressed eyebrows.

In the end, I began to have nagging doubts. I knew my passion and strength was in mathematics and economics. After 2 years of unsettling doubts, I chose economics instead and applied for the transfer. [In my country, we serve 2 years of conscription before entering university].

Now that I'm holding an economics place instead of a law place [uni starting in august], i've never felt happier. My father is a v big hearted and understanding man. He never insist that i keep my law offer, he just wants to know if my decision is made with a good amount of thinking and rationality. If so, he fully supports my decision.

My advice is to always follow what you want. This is our lives and not anyone esle's. If you live in other people's shadows, you will forever be mediocre.

I did my HSC (high school certificate) in Sydney and got 77/100
(we use this mark to work out what we can do in university and then we apply for it)

now as a chinese....my parent and basically all the teacher in my school feels that I will get at least a 99/100 O.o"

so with this mark....dad would ask me every single day: "what are you gonig to do with ur life" thinking that my life is ruined coz of ONE mark....
At that time i was considering either Music studies or Art (both available to me for my marks) and I was getting pretty good marks for those subjects back in High school
The moment i said that....my dad was like " so u gona be one of thsoe ppl that play their music at the train station for money? or they draw on the streets for ppl to get cash?"

O.o"

I m now doing Food science degree which I will NOT be working as and it has taken me over 6 years to try n finsih this 3 year course.....

JJ. You got 77 out of 100. What do you mean your dad thinks your life is ruined because of 1 mark? Aren't you off from 100 by 33?

I'm from Sydney too, and let's face it. 77 out of 100 might sound high to someone overseas. But you obviously neglected to mention that that means 33% of the people in the state scored higher than you. And 77 is a score that will not get you into any major university.

So does your dad have a right to be concerned? If I was your dad I'd be gravely concerned

Peter,
I think what JJ meant in "one" mark was that his 77/100 was the one mark (or test) his dad thinks will ruin his life/future because it definitely wasn't high enough. I don't think he meant one mark as in getting a 78/100 instead of a 77/100.

Currently at third year at UCLA. My mom was excited I got into UCLA though initially during the application process she was pushing for me to go to USC to become pre-pharmacy. I dislike USC for many reasons but still did it under her insistence and throwing her credit card at me to pay for the app fee. My desire was to go to an East Coast school to major in English/creative writing... but those plans failed. So I started UCLA as a biochemistry major and it was HORRIBLE. Disliked all the classes and competing with people who studied 24/7 and just couldn't keep up. My mom even got me a job at a pharmacy to set me on the path to become a pharmacist.. needlessly to say, I've disappointed my mom very much. She feels she as wasted thousands of dollars of an education that is meaningless to her. But I can say that I love my English classes and feel very happy and comfortable with my choice.

I live in Seattle and even before I finished my senior year of high school, my mother had strong opinions about where I was even allowed to apply to college. I want to attend a liberal arts school outside of Los Angeles, but my mother threw a huge fit. Although the decision was entirely mine, I felt extremely guilty about "leaving" her and ended up attending UW. I'm currently in my third year as an Electrical Engineering major and this will be my last quarter there. I'm miserable and I've come to realize that this is not what I want to do, at all. My mom is furious about how I have "wasted" three years of time and money, but in all honesty, I have just now gotten the courage to stand up to her and tell her that this isn't what I want to do. She keeps reminding me how I only have one more year left and should finish. For what? So I can spend yet another year in hell and then go out and get a job that will make me want to blow my brains out? This fall, I will be entering a 2 year program for something that I actually like and can see myself doing for the rest of my life. Plus, the money and career demand outlook are great, but all I have heard lately is how I am stupid and a complete disappointment.

As a 1.5 generation member (someone born in a country not of their parent's origin but speaks their parents' native language, has grown up in the culture of their heritage,etc- hey, gotta use the sociology degree!), I got the supportive talk from the parents but told to go to school locally. That meant I attended UW in Seattle and lived at home. All my other cousins that were from Seattle, about 99% of them went to UW too. I wanted to go to Hawai'i Pacific University or St. Catherine's in Minnesota. Ended up getting liberal arts degrees in a foreign language and Sociology (after I didn't get accepted in to the business school). My parents knew I had wanted to earn a business degree since my freshman year in high school and were supportive of that. Since I didn't get my BA in it, I was then pressured in to getting an MBA, even though I had achieved my goal of working in a business setting (which happened to be a billion dollar corporate entity with no soul- that's another story). Now I'm on a hunt for a job that's more fulfilling and in line with my culinary aspirations. That one didn't go to well with my mom (to her cooking is not going to get me anywhere in this economy). Dad was okay with it as he'd cooked for most of his life. Both my parents do agree that it was okay for me now to get a less stressful job, that I could do retail till the economy betters. I guess they didn't enjoy seeing me work as an office slave for 5+ years doing 50-60hrs/week.

my mom wants me to do nursing and doesn't care where i go to college to get all the pre-req courses done and doesn't care where i get my nursing diploma just as long as i finish with nursing

nursing was DEFINITELY not my first choice as a major and future career, im not even interested in it and i dont want it since its a typical filipino career. theres too many of us in that field and its just getting old and tired. were well known for being nurses and im sick of it. we REALLY need to expand and dominate other fields.

ok, anyways, after 4 yrs. im done with pretty much ALL of my pre-req courses except one, stats. it took me 4 yrs. cause i F'd up with math a number of times and had to repeat the courses and now that i'm finally in stats im probably gonna bomb this subject and end up taking it again in fall or a different pysch. class so i can get the pre-req for nursing at SF State done. if i dont pass i pretty much give up, i dont want nursing anyways and im burnt out from going to school for almost EVERY sem except one for 4 yrs. straight.

i wanna do graphic design and/or photography but im not sure if i wanna pursue those majors anymore. i dont know what i wanna do with my life anymore either. my mom kept pushing me to go thru with nursing even though she knew that i wanted to do graphic design right out of high school and now that i've had enough BS i dont know what i want to do. if i get the pre-reqs done thats it im not gonna do anything else im not even going to pursue nursing, i just REALLY dont want it. thousands of dollars down the drain, i cant really blame myself though, its what my mom wanted.

Majored in Computer Science (Chinese Mom says "GOOD MAJOR!") at UC San Diego (Chinese Mom says "OK school, wish you had gotten into Berkeley, try for grad school")

It's pretty awful, but despite being happy and successful now, I still feel like I disappointed my parents by (1) not getting into Berkeley and (2) not deciding to go to grad school. My parents' influence to "make a lot of money" is the reason I chose CS (I don't regret it because I really do enjoy my work). Since neither of them finished high school in China, I understand they just want the best for me by their standards. It would be difficult for me to fully understand their intentions since I never had to worry about how much food I was going to have for dinner growing up, or having to get a job at 15 to support my family.

I like to think that I'm grateful that my parents pushed me to where I am, but at the same time, I think I would have liked to be a pastry chef instead of a software engineer.

I think my experience has been quite different from a lot of the comments I've read so far, primarily due to my own background. I'm a 4th-generation Japanese-American and my parents never pushed me to major in anything in particular. My Dad, who is a Doctor, I'm sure had dreams that my older sister and I would follow his career path, and I can remember a lot of conversations where he underscores the job security and intellectual satisfaction that came from being in medicine. The only area where my Dad and Mom didn't compromise was in the realm of education - they gave us lots of opportunity to succeed; my sister paved the path by going to Harvard and majoring in Social Studies. I ended up *trying* to do pre-med my first quarter at Stanford, but ended up majoring in History and Asian-American Studies. Having grown up in St. Louis, coming out to the Bay Area was a shock-in it of itself, and it was the first time I started to think that I am also Asian and that generational issues that are so prominent on this blog are something many of my Asian 1st/2nd generation friends were and still are experiencing.

Overall, I think my parents have been above all supportive of me and the choices I've made. I work at Google now, so I think I've probably settled some concerns that a liberal arts major would leave me without a decent job. My sister, who I mentioned before graduated in Social Studies, has done a big 180 and is now entering medical school this coming fall. I guess my Dad did get his wish after all =p

I am one of the "fortunate" Asian kids whose parents supported me whatever I decided to study or pursue. I am majoring in Design | Media Arts, and coming from a very Asian community (the school's like 85% Asian) where the typical expectation is to attend a top-tier university and become a doctor or lawyer, going into the arts took many of my peers and other parents by surprise.

I just feel truly lucky to have parents who would understand and encourage whatever my career decisions may be because it really does mean everything to me to have that kind of support.

I had big fights with my parents during high school about possible majors (I didn't declare anything, just potential choices). I was thinking of either fine arts, linguistics, anthropology, or Asian Studies and later decided on Asian Studies. Of course they flipped out. Dad wanted me to go into the Sciences; Mom wanted me to go into Business. They didn't like how I wanted to learn about Asia which would put me in competition with people in Asia who can "do it better", etc etc. They ended up accepting the major the moment I told them I wanted to be a diplomat. Apparently tying it to civil service is good enough to get a pass. So yeah, now I'm doing Asian Studies with a Political Science background.

I chose the schools that I applied to though. I was pretty picky about schools so I didn't apply to ones that were either too close to home or those in a college town. I ended up going to University of Toronto in Canada that's in the middle of downtown Toronto. The school I chose was pretty good for me. High enough in rankings that parents can still get bragging rights, the environment is suitable for me, Asian Studies department is reputable AND it's so much cheaper so I don't graduate with debt. :D

I'll be a freshman next year as a pre-engineering student at UW. I'm leaning towards civil and environmental engineering, but astronautics and aeronautics looks interesting, too. It's funny, though - my parents are actually a little disappointed in what I chose as my field of study. I guess you would say that they're the not-typical typical Asian parents.

My parents pushed me to apply to the Ivies and pretty-damn-close-to-Ivies and other prestigious schools (which I obliged, and promptly got rejected from. Thanks economy.), so in a way, they are typical Asian parents. With that, I'm staying in-state, which still makes them happy because I'm still within reach, they don't have to pay as much, and the school I'm going to is pretty darn good for a public school.

Perhaps this will change when I get older, but I'm in the 'whee engineering!' mindset right now. It's something that has interested me for a while and I understand it'll be difficult, but I'm up for the challenge. Then there are my parents who want me to go into the arts - art (general), creative writing, music. I did a double-take when they told me that. They somewhat support my decision for now, but I still hear "are you sure you want to go into engineering? I think you'll be happier in art" every once in a while.

I guess we'll see how my future looks.

I forgot to mention - they laughed at me when I said I might want to major in physics. As in a full-out belly laugh. So when they mentioned art I laughed at them, too.

I like art, mind you. I don't like it enough to major in it, though.

I'm a sophomore in college and I'm hating college life. Why? Because I'm forced to by my parents to major in nursing when I have no interest whatsoever. I'm fluent in 4 languages and I'd much rather work for the UN but my parents think nursing is the only job out there that pays well. There's only two paths I can choose and I don't want to choose the same one my mother chose but most of the time, I feel like all hope is lost.

Show your parents stats of other jobs, and positions you could land should you get a job working for the UN, or something in that field. I'm also a sophomore taking up nursing, and while I love this field, I do have some friends who are in the same position as you-- as in, taking nursing because their parents forced them to. Not to discourage you, but it takes someone who has an interest in this field to perform the job well with the care that is required, and since it sounds like you're uninterested, it could partially affect how you work with patients. Take the time to tell them now, before it's too late, and you're stuck working at some hospital you hate the rest of your life. PS; Fluent in 4 languages CAN really help out w/ nursing though. Hah. Hope they listen to your side and you get to pursue the career you're interested in.

I'm also an artsy 1.5-generation Chinese-American. I've been performing (dancing, singing, acting, music, etc.) since I was a kid, and I was pretty much always the token Asian in my classes. My other huge interest is in teaching, and my family is very supportive of that because my entire mom's side has an education background.

I'm from the West Coast, but I chose an arts-focused big East coast school to major in theatre. I have never regretted this decision, and though my parents always ask me to come home and help out, they are very supportive of my achievements in theatre here, partially also because I have a good GPA. I am also graduating this May, but I found a job already, so they really never worry about me and academics. I've also had a non-Chinese boyfriend for 2.5 years and they have welcomed him to the family. From what I have been hearing from others, I am very lucky.

I don't think my family had much to do with my decision. I am a high school senior heading for college next year, and I just so happened to choose UC San Diego over UC Berkeley (and I'm not telling them I got into Cal or they would go postal about my SD decision hah). I also chose to major in political science instead of going pre-med or business or engineering or something generically Asian. They have been bombarding me with concerns ranging from "We talk to coworker and friends, they say no good," to "What you do with life after? This just like Art degree." They definitely helped guide me along the way with the typical Asian parent/family mannerisms, but they can't force me into shaping my future now that I can think for myself :P

riiiight, b/c there are SOOO FEW asians majoring in polisci > law school. so rebellious.

it's funny. when we're younger we are so self centered and think our families should follow the "american way" and support us in whatever pursuits we want to follow. now that i'm older (and a little bit wiser), i can completely see my parents point of view. they just want us to be financially secure and avoid the hardships they had to struggle through. besides, the name of a college CAN get you places. it CAN get you respect.

i'll tell you, choosing a grad school that my parents can actually boast about to their friends has been the best decision of my life. to see their glowing faces at graduation, to hear "we're proud of you" gave meaning to my 23 years. when they are constantly surrounded by gloating friends, who am i to deny them this? we are physical, corporeal proof that our parents are "good parents" that they "raised us well."

currently i'm a teacher, and though they respect that decision, they are always going to want me to push myself, to get a doctorate, to consider law school, to teach at a college (instead of high school).

maybe i'll take their advice, one day; i'm not adverse to it, at least, not anymore.

If I had things my way, I would've tried to go to art school out of high school. Luckily mom and dad knocked some sense in me, and now I'm one month away from graduating from pharmacy school.

Surprisingly enough, they actually DISCOURAGED me from being a doctor, because they knew that med school requires a lot more school, and even after graduation, you may not have a whole lot of time to spend with a family or significant other. Initally I was pretty bitter about studying to get into pharmacy school and whatnot, but I guess I'm fortunate in the sense I really developed a passion for my work, and that I wasn't doing it just for mommy and daddy anymore (and no, mom and dad didn't brainwash me into loving the field, I ended up loving it on my own, haha). In the end, I'm happy with the field mom and dad had put me into...for one thing, it's a high-paying profession (won't lie about that), and I still get to contribute to helping people with their health. And looking back, art school wouldn't have been for me anyway...on the other hand, if I could find a degree that would land me a job as a traveling food critic... ;)

I'm currently a senior in high school, so I'm narrowing my choices down.
I'm leaning toward architecture at cal poly and I've been pretty lucky to have parents who somehow support this "architorture." My dad once told me that if he didn't become an engineer, he would have gone into architecture himself. For the most part, majors/choosing a college has been a pretty independent venture, despite the (hopefully) empty threats of not funding me if I choose UCSD. (My mom's worried about it being too close to Mexico/drug lords whisking me away in the night...)

Ever since picking Cal over UCLA, my parents have not pressured me with regards to academics or picking a career. I'm studying math & econ at Cal, and I really don't know what i want to do after I graduate. I think my parents understand that I don't need to be set on one career right away because both of them have worked many different jobs before deciding what they want to do.

As a Sociology/Communication double major at UCD, I have NO idea what to do after graduation. Luckily, my parents have been supportive although worried about my financial future. For the most part, they have been pretty hands-off with choosing my major...we'll see where the wind takes me.

My parents picked my college AND major for me. What can I say, for 18-year-old who's not absolutely certain about what she wants, her parents can be terribly persuasive. Two years into the crappy college they picked for me, I changed my major without telling them.

Well, I'm an ABC and my dad's dream job for me was to become a doctor. My mom was fine with whatever. When I told them sometime in 10th grade that I wanted to do BioE, my dad was vehemently against it, though eventually he was pretty open to the idea, especially since it's a new field with several options. However, after I attended MedCamp at National Yang-Ming University (summer 2008), I decided I wanted to do medicine and he was overjoyed. Though after I told him I wanted to focus on forensics (specifically cutting up dead bodies to find their cause of death), he became a bit disheartened, but in the end approved of it (probably because it deals with medical stuff). Well, this would have been great, but then I told him my dream school was National Yang-Ming University (in Taiwan) and apparently my entire family disapproved of that, and they would constantly try to dissuade me from applying. So in the end I didn't (more so because the application process is hell for Overseas Chinese like me). Anyways, after I got accepted into Cal, my dad called my relatives to tell them about it (didn't do that for any other college I got accepted into). I don't really know where I want to go, but I'm probably just going to go to Cal, since that's where my dad is pressuring me to go, though he tries very hard to sound like he's willing to support me 100% wherever I choose to go. Still waiting on privates since I was waitlisted for a bunch of them. =/ Anyways, after all this, I told my dad that what I REALLY want to do is become a Chinese Medicine physician, which he completely balked at, and won't even talk about with me. In fact, whenever we talk about my possible future career, he only talks about forensics, and whenever I try to bring up the topic of Chinese Medicine, he's just silent. Ha, well I guess I'll be obedient for undergrad. But afterward... I guess that's a totally different matter~

I'm actually quite lucky, in the sense that my parents are constantly supportive of what I want to do.

I suppose it's because I grew up in the United Arab Emirates. I got the gist that filipino families there are more lax than those in the Philippines. I was always interested in the Arts, which is my dad's major as well. He was very supportive of me. He taught me how to hold a pencil at the age of three just so I could draw. I guess you could say he was a big influence into what I liked?

I've heard from a lot of relatives that art isn't a money-grabber, but it's only those few who seem to try getting a few Business or Science degree out of me. I haven't seen them in a long time, so I haven't been getting any of those.

I was recently accepted into an animation school, and my parents seem uber proud of that fact. I think the main reason why we moved here to Canada is because we have a lot more opportunities than in the UAE when it comes to the field both my brother and I are interested in. The UAE was all about Science and Business, and a few Architecture/Engineering here and there.

I have friends here who are taking nursing out of their mothers' wishes, though I know for a fact that quite a few of them are not at all interested in it. I guess I can sort of understand *why* their parents want them to go into the fields that grant them a good life with lots of money (friends words, not mine) but I hope someday the Asian parent mind-set will change.

I have a feeling it will, though. This generation of Asians seem to be pretty open about things now.

My parents wanted me to do something that will give me a stable income to raise a family. As immigrants, they weren't familiar with many of possible career choices in America and felt that the Sciences (doctor, pharmacist, engineer, etc.) were the safest choices. I went to college as a Physiological Science major, hated the science classes right away, skipped around to all sorts of fields, and finally ending up as a English major with a concentration in Creative Writing. I'm in my third year of college and I hope to become a high school English teacher and a writer after I graduate. My parents support this (yes, even the writing part) only because being a teacher does provide you with a stable income and they think its a respectable job. My sister is going through the "March Madness" stage right now and madness is right - it's driving me nuts.

When I was younger, my parents wanted to give me a proper education so they put me into private Catholic schools for 12 years. I loved working with kids and it was my dream to become an elementary school teacher. My mom was very happy with this choice because it would have been a stable, respectable career, especially if I were to work at a Catholic school.

In university, before I could get my PDP (teaching certificate), I had to get a degree in a teachable major. I didn't really care for history, math, or science, so I chose English, solely because I hated it the least. Unlike most English majors though, I had no passion for literature and just did the minimal work necessary to get acceptable grades. To date, the only English course I actually enjoyed was "Studies in Asian North American Literature." It was so much fun and it was a topic that I could actually relate to!

While in university, I did some volunteer work teaching and doing so, I realized that I HATE it. It is so stressful when the kids won't listen, won't understand, and won't work. Lost as to what other career path to pursue, I somehow landed in marketing & communications, which I absolutely love now! When I first told my mom, she was crushed and every time I saw her she would nag me to reconsider teaching. Even now, a year after graduating with an English major and Communication minor, she still doesn't agree with my career choice and complains that my job isn't stable or doesn't make enough money. It has been quite the sore point and the arguments about my career choices were a big reason why I moved out 2 years ago.

My parents' struggle as immigrants in Canada motivated me to study. I was a smart, well behaved Chinese Vietnamese boy, and somehow realized that my brains would be the ticket out of this hardship. The question of university was never a question, it was an assumed next step -- but the odd thing is that my parents never spoke to me about it, and never forced me to go. It was that gentle Chinese persuasion, and I ended up choosing one of the medical professions (Pharmacy) because I knew I could get a high paying job afterward, and eliminating medicine because it was way too long. (My respect for those of you who choose this path.) All through my bachelor's days, my parents sacrificed their own enjoyment to ensure I had food to eat, and never obliged me to do chores so I could study. I ended up getting a MBA, and now work for a large pharmaceutical company. It gives me comfort to know that my parents aren't struggling anymore, and my Dad is happy to know that I have a good job because it means security to him.

This site is funny, like I've soiled underwear because I laughed too hard funny. But to have this as well is great. Let the laughter, and discussion, go on.

I actually didn't want to go to university at all. I considered going straight to work experience. It would have been different if I'd had the financial background to go abroad, but as I didn't, I thought it would be more worth my time and money to just go straight into work rather than do a degree at a local university that I wasn't that interested in.

Obviously, though, when I suggested this to my parents (and also suggested maybe taking a gap year so I could earn money enough to go to uni abroad and actually major in something I was interested in), their gut reaction was ONLY DELINQUENTS WHO DID REALLY BAD IN SCHOOL GO ON GAP YEARS and wouldn't even entertain the idea of me *not* going to university. If my parents hadn't worked their asses off on my high school education (international schools in HK can be pretty rough on the average salary), I might have forced my opinion further than I actually did, but I kind of thought they had the right to dictate this part of my life because they *did* pay for all those years of my education for a reason.

So, I ended up doing an English Studies major, which I didn't mind, but I didn't really have a passion for. When graduation happened, my parents actually thought I'd do something related to my degree, but I ended up going into something completely random instead (operations at a shipping firm). Which probably makes people think, dude, what a waste of a degree.

But ultimately, they now don't have much more to force me through (as I'm earning my own monies now) and I compromised three years of my life for them, so they don't give me too much crap. It doesn't hurt that the uni I ended up going to is one of the top unis around here, so as a lot of people on this thread have mentioned, my parents have "bragging rights" (my sister went to a top uni in Seoul - I just added icing to their cake). And I guess my three years at uni weren't a total waste - the debate team was pretty fun. :P

My parents want me to become a teacher like my father and his father and further generations. I personally dont think I have the patience to do any of that. After some time of me doing bad in school and pretty much "running away" from home(i only sleep at home only). They have given up on having me become a teacher or anything that may be important, all my parents want me to do is open up the book and stop going out.

Oh nice Tori! I applied to McGill for architecture but there's no way I'm getting in with those cut offs. My mom told me that if I don't get into my top choice school, I can stay home and clean the house for them. Then they can save on house cleaning.

In high school, I thought I was gonna go to business school, and that's what I told my parents I was going to study when I started applying for colleges, but then I came across these majors called "music technology" and "music business," which sounded like the perfect programs for me. Upon researching music tech/business programs, I came across a new one that combined both music tech and music business, so I applied and was accepted, which was a huge deal for me because that program only accepts like 9% of its applicant pool. When I got my acceptance letter, my dad was like "MUSIC?!?! Rock stars are going to get you addicted to drugs and alcohol and then rape you!!!!!" and didn't talk to me for two months. My mom was kind of supportive but she had no idea why I would want to pursue something so impractical. They're both fobs who worked really hard at crappy jobs to provide a better life for our family, so a part of them still think I'm nuts and have taken their sacrifices for granted, but I really do appreciate all they've done for me and will be eternally grateful. But I've always done my own thing and never cared what other people thought. If I want to do something or learn something, nothing can stop me from accomplishing it.

My first two years of college, I was the only Asian female I knew with a music tech concentration, which was rough, but I actually used my Asian background and cultural influences to create more interesting and inspiring productions than my peers. I learned the business side of the music industry as well so my career choices wouldn't be so limited. I just graduated with a B.F.A., and I'm a live sound tech and I book shows for some local bands. It's not as glamorous as it sounds and doesn't pay much, but I'm getting by doing something I love, and I party with rock stars, so I'd say I'm doing all right. =)

I'm actually a senior at the present moment so its a great time to answer this question. [oh senior as in highschool mind you...ahaha :] ]

but i didnt know what i wanted to be at all. lets say as a kid, i wanted to be an FBI agent, but tough luck. not gonna happen. not to me at least! my mom, like any other crazy azn mom, wanted me to be a doctor or lawyer and make LOTSA MONEY. yes. lots. of. money. thats her main concern... go figure right? ahaha

but eventually i knew i wanted to go for somethin science related, and she eventually supported my choice. yet the problem was, science has such a great variety, i didnt know what to choose! then eventually my mom mention, why not do engineering?! it make good money!

and there u go. i got my [intended] major as biomedical engineer as its still science oriented in a labcoat etc, but has to do w/ something my mom encouraged me to do.
and thats my life story!

oh btw, im going to wpi [worcester polytechnic institute], but way back when, when my mom wanted me to be a lawyer or doctor, she wanted me to go to either yale, harvard, or MIT. GO FIGURE. oh well :P

I *did* double-major in business and computer science, mostly because I didn't know what I wanted to do, and they didn't sound bad. My parents were hoping I'd be an engineer like them or a doctor, but thought those were fine majors. Halfway through my junior year, I decided I wanted to go to law school, which is where I am now. The biggest disagreement came when I decided I didn't want to go to Harvard (my mom actually went to admit day at Harvard with me and bought a Harvard Law Mom shirt) and attended Berkeley instead. My entire extended family (and all their friends) is still in a state of disbelief.

I was lucky enough to have parents who completely gave up on me (in a good way) by letting me do whatever the hell I wanted in terms of college education. I ended up at the best school I applied to, and I'm lucky in that it's both a school I'm personally happy with and that my parents approve because of its international reputation. I major in History and aim to become a high school teacher, which didn't appeal to my parents at first but they soon just let me do whatever I want. They knew that I was disinterested in medicine, law, engineering, and business, but there was a time when they tried to push me in those directions when I was in high school.

I'm a motion picture production student which is the 30letter version of saying I'm a film student. My parents were totally against film school, even though I asurred them that I was going to the best school for film here in Vancouver(Capilano University) they didn't take it. After months of arguing and refusing to take a degree in business or go into dentistry(their fields), my dad let me apply. I was a week too late to apply for the year right after graduation so I had to wait one more year before I could go to school. Now I'm almost done the course and upon leaving school, the industry is booming and theres a shortage in workers. It shows them right:)

when i was five, i thought there were only 2 colleges in the world--university of hawaii (i'm from hawaii) and harvard. i didn't want to stay home, so i decided i wanted to go to harvard. ten years later, my parents were the ones pushing harder than me for to get into harvard. later, they told me that had i not set harvard as my goal, they would have been perfectly satisfied with any place (although judging by the fact that they brought columbia as "any place," i highly suspect they would NOT have been satisfied with anything less than another ivy, big ten, u chicago, or stanford :P). but i did, so they pushed me massively.

fortunately, i got lucky and got in, and i have a strong interest in the major that my parents wanted me to take anyway (science, big surprise). my mom is a lit major, so she supports my forays into literature, art, and music.

but my parents told me the reason why they pushed so hard for me to be premed, to go to med school (although i've since made them shift ever so slightly towards research, which is what i really want to do) was because they're immigrants, so i have nothing to fall back on within our community. in essence, i got pigeonholed b/c i'm 2nd gen, and it's ok for my kids to go into film, into art, into psych, into all those "useless" majors, because they'd have me, who'd be in a professional vocation.

i more or less understand their logic, and i'm not complaining, because i do love the sciences, but i just wish i'd had the guarantee that i had i realized my true calling in life was, say, a tattoo artist, they would've supported me.

Initially both my parents wanted to control me. I think my dad wanted to live vicariously through me. Take high school for example, back in year 11 (I live in Australia so bear with me) when we got to choose "electives" he'd always bluntly tell me to do economics or business studies. I didn't really want to get into a huge fight so I compromised, I did extension courses for both english and math to appease my parents and legal studies and ancient history for the sake of my own sanity. My mum figured out early on that I wouldn't be happy if I did something I didn't enjoy and let me pick out my own path.

I applied for several universities, got accepted into arts/law at a decent university (concurrent degrees are compulsory in NSW, Australia if you want to do law) which excited my mum and dad. I'm guessing since law was always a passion of mine, my parent's didn't complain that much. However, my dad still tells me that I should change my other degree to finance or commerce despite this year being my last year of arts (majoring in archaeology/egyptology).

I guess if I fail my law degree I can always run away to Egypt and bury my self in the sand so my dad won't find me.

I'm a second-year going to a public university as a Music Composition and English double major. I didn't get into any of the Ivy League schools that my parents had always dreamed of me attending, but they didn't berate me as much for that as they did for the fact that I had applied to all of my schools as an undeclared humanities major. My dad was surprisingly supportive in that he actually thought I would've had a better chance of getting into an Ivy if I had defined myself specifically as a music major, while my mom just thought I didn't have good enough grades (haha).

After completing a quarter of just basic undergraduate requirements in college, however, I decided that I wanted to pursue a career in music because I thought it was something I would enjoy doing for the rest of my life, and because I thought I didn't really have the talent or determination to study another field (other than English, which was always a backup major for me). My dad actually did support me against my mom's complaints, as she kept pressing me to study "medicine or anything that will give you steady pay." My dad's gently pushed me to double major in something else, but so far neither parent has actually been all that adamant about me changing my majors. I've gotten pretty involved at school in different types of music-related productions, so I can honestly say I'm very happy with my college experience now. I only regret that I'll probably have to make my parents pay an extra year of tuition because I couldn't enroll into classes in my particular music program until the beginning of this year.

Ever since I was young, I always wanted to be a doctor. My parents didn't really care what career I went into as long as I went to college. Neither of my parents went to college so they were ecstatic that I choose a career that needed me to go to college. Currently, I am a freshmen at UC Berkeley studying Integrative Biology and going pre-med. When I was in high school, my "dream school" was UCLA because I wanted to be far away from home and it has a really good basketball team (I LOVE basketball). My parents kept telling me that I can go to whatever college I want as long as it is not on the East coast. But in reality, I knew they wanted me to go to Berkeley because it is close enough to home that I can go home whenever I want so they can see me. So when I got accepted to UC Berkeley and UCLA, I choose Berkeley because I got a scholarship there. I was a little sad that I couldn't go to my dream school but also happy that I got a scholarship to Berkeley. Now, I'm super happy that I choose Berkeley because I got home sick within the first week I started school. Since I live close to Berkeley, I was able to go home. Also, I have friends who are from SoCal who envy me since I get to go home all the time to see my family and eat good food. I have to say, my parents were right for wanting me to go to Berkeley and I'm super happy that I am there right now.

I'm another Silicon Valley kid who was going to be stuck studying business/law if my computer engineer parents had their way, but many many arguments with my dad later, art school prevailed (ironically, it was the only art school out of the 8 colleges I applied to). It helps that my mom was supportive, since she studied textiles and apparel in Taiwan (but is now an engineer...?). Now I am freezing my butt off but loving it at my art school in RI. I take some classes on the side at Brown, which appeases my dad a little. I'm also graduating this May and with the current job market, finding a job as a designer in any graphic design firm is going to be harder than ever, but hopefully I will be employed someday and my parents will realize that my expensive education was not all for naught. And for you too! Best of luck!

Ever since I could remember, I've always been interested in arts and graphic/web design. I'm a sophomore in high school and lately, my parents have been bugging me about my decisions for the future. I had a huge argument with my Dad over my courses for next year; him saying that I need to take lots of science courses; me saying I want to take some arts and a bit of business too.

There has always been a pressure put on me because of my older siblings who are both in the medical field. (eldest sister - medical technician; older brother - nurse) They tried to steer me and my sister from the arts by telling us nonsense like, "My friend's daughter got into the arts and doesn't even have a job now!" or "I haven't even found any job openings for artists in the newspapers! No one's hiring them so you won't be able to get a job!"

I started to question which choice to make: a good, stable job which will make my parents happy (and they can brag about)? Or a job that doesn't earn as much but will make me happy? I'm still undecided until now. *sigh*

Arts and graphic design is where I initially wanted to go upon entering high school, but now I'm exploring more options. My family members think I wouldn't make enough money being a librarian (my current career of choice) and they aren't satisfied with my deep interest in being a history major. As another sophomore in high school, I still say we have enough time to decide for ourselves, but yes...I can relate to the "encouragement" from parents about what field of work their kids should enter.

I went to an international school in Hong Kong so after graduating I had a lot of choices, but I'm Canadian so I chose Vancouver Canada. I'm in 3rd year BFA of Photography at an Emily Carr University of Art and Design. I pretty much found what my goal was during my last 2 years of high school. It still hasn't burnt out yet! (knockwood for that). Plus I was never much of an academic kid. I did the sports, music, and art.

My parents are totally on 2 different pages. My dad studied in the US and Canada. He's in accounting and finances and he just knows that he's miserable with his job, but is in it to support the family. I'm so lucky though. He's afraid for me because I'm in arts, he still supports me in my passion rather than go down his road.
My mom is a totally different case. She wanted me to go to UBC, UT, just big schools, and when she heard about Emily Carr her face scrunched up since it wasn't one of the school she's ever heard about. All my friends were going to big schools like Standford, Brown, BU, USC, UK schools, etc....Name is such a big part of Asian communities. She's also afraid and she really doesn't agree with me getting into me doing photography. I'm in 3rd year, almost 4th and she still asks me if I like it, do I want to change majors, what am I going to do. She wants me and my 2 older sisters to do accounting, get the money, have a stable job, but funny enough all of us went into liberal arts.

But you know what? In the end, whatever undergrad degree you get in college does not reflect on your future career. My sister majored in East Asian Studies at McGill and is in brand consulting/commercial marketing. My other sister majored in Bio-ethics and psychology at U of Toronto, she's in corporate banking now.
Kind of wild huh? Going for your passion is scary, but would you rather be miserable in the future?

I'm only a sophomore in high school and I would like to major in theatrical makeup and journalism. My mom wants me to do pre-med even though I'm not too fond of needles or blood. She wants me to make money to support myself, basically, even though I just want to be happy with a career I would love. My dad isn't really pressuring me into anything, he's happy with whatever I choose.

i am currently in my senior year of school at the University of Hawaii at Hilo. I'm still declared as an Art Major which is what i started out with when i began school. I've always like drawing cartoons, so I decided i should try art. I enjoyed the studio classes somewhat, but when i took art history classes as part of the requirements for the degree in art, i was a lot more interested in the history and process of which the art is done. I also was more interested in writing about it instead of actually doing it. last semester was the last time i had a studio class. it was hard to get my creativity flowing and put it on canvas. It was then that i decided that i would want to change my major to english and focus on writing. Bear in mind i am a senior now. All i need is two more classes in upper division in Art, one in studio. After taking that last studio class, i realized i don't have it in me to do art anymore. i started looking through my course catalog and looking at other majors that i would like. I narrowed it down to English and History. i felt that English was better suited for me as it would involve more writing.
I ran the idea by my parents. my mom was more supportive than my dad who was also supportive, but was kind of irritated that was changing so close to finishing school. With the current economy, money is very tight. my dad is working on his Executive MBA and since i want to change to english, money is a big issue. he asked me what i would do after i was done with school a while ago, and i said if i can't find work as a writer, i would either go into law enforcement or join the military. he was concerned about going into a job that puts my life on the line, but knows that i would be alright. i have many family members that are part of law enforcement, military and other forms of civil and public service. more so in the military. many of whom are lucky enough to never have been deployed anywhere dangerous.
my parents have always been supportive of what i wanted to do. they have always thought i would find something that would interest me and i would be fine.

I'm a junior at the George Washington University majoring in criminal justice. To respond directly to Tammy's point: my mother was born in the US and my father moved to the US for his undergraduate degree. Neither of my parents pressured me at all when it came to what college to go to or what major to choose. In fact, they deliberately took a hands-off policy as to what college they thought I should go to. So perhaps the college factor does make a difference.

My brother, however, has chosen to major in theater. Since I've always been interested in law and will probably go onto law school, my parents never pressured me like they do my brother. It's not an intense pressure, but it's there: more from my father than my mother. But my parents have always been supportive... they've questioned if what I've chosen to do is really what I want to do, but never disapproved when I've made it clear that it's what I want to do. I definitely attribute a lot of this to the attitude my US-born mother brought to parenting my brother and me, because I'm pretty sure my dad would be as heavy-handed as possible if it were all up to him.

I entered college as a broadcast journalism major and graduated as a magazine journalism major. My parents were always pretty supportive of my choice. I never felt any sort of pressure to become a business/pre-med/engineering/law, etc. major. I actually had more trouble with various aunts and uncles who didn't feel magazine journalism was serious or good enough. Still, I did go to one of the top communications schools so that at least afforded everyone some bragging rights. And I've always been pretty independent so despite pressure or disapproval from relatives, I never felt the need to cave into their wishes.

Journalism was actually a bit of a compromise though as I originally wanted to be a theater major. I knew my parents wouldn't really love the idea of paying for 4 years of school for acting though, and I never really fought for it or really went after it. I did end up minoring in it, and they would have supported a double major (but my journalism program wouldn't allow it). I do think if I really really was adamant about being a theater major, they would have come to see the light.

While my parents always supported my journalism major and career, my mom never let me forget that she wanted me to be a teacher... particularly a college professor. That was always her dream for me, and she loved to drop it into any conversation she could. Ironically, I was laid off from my magazine job a while back, and I will soon be attending grad school to be an ESL teacher, with hopes of teaching in a college when I graduate. Funny how that worked out. Still, I will be working in a journalistic capacity for a non-profit and I loved my magazine career so I have no regrets on my undergrad college major.

Like a good little second-gen immigrant kid, I started off college in this accelerated BS/MD program at a somewhat small Midwestern college and med school. It was pretty hardcore. Only three of our 35 were east Asian, and half were Indian descent, I think. A lot of my friends were under the impression that I went the doctor route because my parents wanted it for me because, you know, they're Asian, they're older and seemingly more old-fashioned and my dad's also a doctor, but the complete opposite was the truth. (Clearly, some of these friends didn't bother to get to know my parents beyond lame stereotypes.) While both my parents loved that I went that way, my mother would've been happy whatever I did, so long as I was happy and successful. For a while, my father even tried to convince me to do something else because he knew I always had more interest in the Arts and in technology. I was the one adamant about going into medicine. Once I proved to them how much I wanted it, they were 100% supportive.

It turns out they knew me better than I knew myself then because I ended up quitting the programming and switching majors a few times before ending up with an English degree and pre-medicine from the same university. No matter what I chose, they were completely behind me and still are now as I try to find my place in the big bad world. I sure that they wish I kept to the medical route, though, because I let them get so invested in it when I started college, especially now that the economy sucks and some of my best friends from the program are graduating with their MDs this year.

I got a BS in mechanical engineering from Cal Poly, SLO. I picked ME because I did well in physics and my dad was an ME, and I figured if it was good for my dad, it was good enough for me. My dad tried to persuade me to major in electrical engineering, since there was apparently more money in it, but I felt it was too abstract and math heavy for me. Except when I was very young, there was no expectation or pressure for me to go into science, medicine, or law; there's not a doctor in the family yet, and when there is, it sure isn't going to be me.

My dad did work out a way I could live at home and commute to UC Berkeley via public transit ("Only an hour and a half by bus/BART each way, and we don't even need to get you a car!"). That possibility was so disgusting to me that I "forgot" to send in my UC application. No way I was going to live at home to go to college. I don't know if my parents really wanted me to go to any super prestigious schools; I applied to MIT and was denied, and I don't remember them looking very disappointed. My dad said numerous times that he didn't think paying $30,000/year for private school was worth it when you could pay a fraction of that at a CSU or UC.

I did take a bit of a different path than my dad, though. Where he went into machine design and worked for the government, I went into HVAC (air conditioning) and work for a start-up company. My dream job has nothing to do with my actual career, but if I was going to pick a realistic career goal, it would be to be a well-respected mechanical engineer/energy efficiency consultant and own my own consulting company.

I think I'm really fortunate to have parents who just want me to be happy and successful--they've never steered me into any particular career path, but maybe it's too early to tell. I'm a college freshman at Syracuse University, mainly because I was awarded a full ride. I'm majoring in Communication and Rhetorical Studies, a major that'll enable me to go on any career path, leaving my options completely open. My fob parents support my major, even though they're not sure what it is (actually, no one really is). I did tell my parents recently that I'd like to be a drama major in addition to my current one, and they were wary of that--the whole idea of Hollywood and being a professional liar isn't very appealing.

Come to think of it; my parents argued with my older brother about his first-choice major , aviation. He'd wanted to be an airline pilot from day one but my parents didn't support that, doubting his ability to go all the way. They urged him to go into business or accounting, something safe, which he did after one semester of aviation.

If you all have siblings, especially opposite-sex ones, have they had similar or different experiences with your parents and choosing colleges/careers?

I majored in Drama and I am now a professional actor. Nearly killed my mother, but she lived through it and is now accepting of my career choice. When I have a job, that is. Between contracts, I get the speech. I've worked consistently since graduation, however, so the speech has gotten shorter and shorter.

Oh yeah, I'm a guy and I have three older sisters. The youngest sister went to Boston University and majored in Business Administration, and my mom always said that "it's OK if she doesn't find a job, b/c she is pretty and can marry rich."

My parents seemed to just want me to be happy and successful, but to them "happy and successful" means "filthy filthy rich." I always liked computers and my mom kept trying to force me to take advanced computer classes in high school, where I just wanted to dabble in the basic computing languages I could play with using books from the library. I was going to double-major in Electrical Engineering and Computer Science, and when I instead minored in Computer Science my mom flew from California to Pittsburgh to convince me to change it back to a double-major and stay an extra semester. I refused to stay at school an extra semester and it's still a chip on my mom's shoulder.

While I was working, my parents REPEATEDLY tried to pressure me to get a Master's, or to get an MBA, or to get a law degree. After a couple of years programming, I got bored and decided that I would get a law degree only on one precondition...that I go into patent law and not become a shady litigation lawyer. Now, my parents are VERY happy that they have a doctor (my oldest sister) and a lawyer in the family. But my parents are FURIOUS that I chose to work at a small firm that's really fun to work for instead of a large firm that would force me to work on weekends. *shrug* c'est la vie.

My mom wanted me to be a doctor. I started out doing a BSc. in Biology but quickly discovered that I was meant to be an Urban Planner and started studying Human Geography. I am currently pursuing an MA/PhD in the field. My mom still doesn't understand what it is I do, but it became respectable when I told her that Prince William's degree is the same.

My parents have always made attempts to influence my university choice but haven't been very successful. I remember when I first told my parents that I wanted to try for McGill instead of UBC (I'm Canadian), my mom was like "But Montreal is so cold! Why would you want to go there? It's so far from here!" Then she found out McGill was a well known school and got excited.

I ended up studying dietetics, and now I'm a dietitian. My father's always been a bit disappointed that I didn't study business so I could take over the family business, and because of him I got a minor in entrepreneurship. On a related note, the first time he met my boyfriend (who wants to be a journalist), my dad was like, "So, what do you write about? Business stuff?" "No... arts and entertainment." All his money is on my 12-year-old sister now.

Because of the economy (and Canada has always had slim pickings for dietitians to begin with), I've landed a part-time job working at a personal training studio. My mom constantly complains about how I don't have steady hours, that I should look for another job, etc. What can you do, right?

I've always been shocked that they let my brother go to art school (he's studying visual communications), but on several occasions my dad has implied that I might have to support my brother if his career falls through. wtf.

I might be a bit unusual for a 2nd gen Asian, but my parents haven't really pressured me into doing anything specific. Of course, they suggested engineering since it's what they do and it pays well, but they never pushed it on me. I ended up doing an English major at a liberal arts college, and they've been really supportive.

As for college choice, I wanted to go to an East coast school. I don't think my parents ever mentioned Ivy league schools, and when I got rejected by a "reach" school (my dad's Alma mater), they said that I wouldn't enjoy my time there anyway. I was also thinking about applying to some other top liberal arts colleges, but my mom said I wouldn't enjoy it because it's too far from the city (which is true, I'd be BORED).

All in all, I'm really really thankful to have parents who look out for my best interest and want me to have a good college experience. Their only wish was that I get a job that supports me, and so far I've been doing fine in that area.

I do have a theory though. I think there's a difference between parents who move to a Western country for undergrad and parents who move AFTER undergrad, regardless if they moved for grad school or work. The former seems to be more acculturated to Western values, and have more lenient expectations for their kids.

i went in university thinking i was going in pre med or anything scientific,, sine i didn't really believe in any humanity major. When i took science courses in my freshman year i realized that i hated them , they were boring and exhausting, and with all the competition it would have driven me nuts. so after A LOT of thinking of what i will major in i decided to do English major. I guess it teaches you how to analyze and its a major that teaches you basically everything. So i'm declaring a major in English language or literature not sure yet and i'm happy. My parents on the other hand always wanted something scientific and "important" like pre med, but i'm not willing to spend 7+ years in university studying my ass off and then spending the rest of my life studying more/ treating people. It hurt my parents in a way but i'm in the process of letting them know that its my major and i will have to be stuck with it, so better choose something i like rather than not succeding in anything they like. I've also had fights about what university to go in. i got accepted to a really good pretentious university, and then when i actually liked another major that they couldnt offer so i wanted to transfer to a not so pretentious university but my parents wouldn't allow that to happen.They said they won't pay the tuition!! Anyway i'm going in english now and maybe minor in something else. But atleast i'm doing what i like.

agreed. my mom says the same thing about the undergrad/grad theory.

that fits my mom .... though it made me wonder a little because she got a bachelor's and then came here- and got another bachelor's. But is def. on the pressuring side of going into the medical field [etc!] engineering... and discouraging of the arts. though i can see her almost wanting to open up and be optimistic of arts-pursuing... the other way of thinking is still a bit strong.

My parents, especially my dad, was never satisfied with my choices when I was back in College. I was first interested in Law, then my dad said that's the occupation he loathed because all lawyers only get paid to help rich people getting away... then I was interested in psychology and criminology, and yet my father felt that psych was simply "common sense that does not require any studying", while criminology "would not take me anywhere". Throughout my first 3 years of college, my dad would tell others that I was in SCIENCE, leading people to think that I would go to med school or something... It totally drove me nuts, but when I showed him that I was actually doing pretty well, that I would like to continue to pursue psychology in grad school, i guess my dad finally gave in. For now, he still challenged psychology, or me, from time to time, but he no longer told others that I was in science. Thank god.

Went to an Ivy league school. I initially started out at a no name school where I excelled but annual cost was 45,000 USD. My mother pressured me to transfer to an Ivy League school like my older sister to justify the cost of the education, e.g. 45,000 for no name school is not worth it unless it's an Ivy.

Transferred to an Ivy League my second year. This def gave bragging rights to my parents. Shortly after graduation, I am now employed at a major financial firm. I went into this field because it seemed like a good carry over from an Ivy League to a Big name corporate. My mother wanted me to have good credientials for marriage. So, I listened and did what I was suppose to do.

I can't complain where I am, and I am proud of my accomplishments. However, I wish I decided on my own instead of my mom pressuring me to be where I am.

For the first time ever, I have freedom to decide what I want to do. And it feels wonderful and free. I feel like myself.

Be thankful you can afford to be free....[hinthint]

Ever since I was in kindergarten, my parents (mainly my mom) wanted me to go to Rice University because it is close to home and it's prestigious (and, I might like to add, it's the staple for every Asian's meal). So I worked my butt off up until senior year where I was taking 8 AP classes (college-level) and even had to wake up an hour early to take "zero hour" Computer Science. However, my passion was in art. My parents were disappointed in me when I did not even apply to Rice, instead, I only applied to out-of-state private art colleges (not out of rebellion, but just out of what I wanted) and University of Texas as my backup. Once acceptance letters came in, but they were only excited for the one for UT. After multitude of arguments that ended up in tears on both sides and slamming of doors the latter half of my senior year, my parents finally saw the light and let me go to an art school in Georgia (especially since I got a hefty scholarship there). To this day, my parents complain about my "13 years of wasted education". Hey, at least it was free?

What I don’t get is why some Asian parents are so vehemently against us studying the arts, when they were able to do so themselves. My mom was a fine arts major for undergrad and then graphic design for grad, yet she will do all that she can to prevent me from pursuing the arts. I know of many Asian mothers who are also music majors, but I doubt music would’ve been an “acceptable” major/career choice for us these days as well.

The only logical reasoning I can come up with is, fewer women are becoming just housewives, so our parents want us to have so-called “respectable”, substantial careers for improved family dynamics, lifestyles, and whatnot. At the same time, practicality can’t simply just…diminish Asian artists altogether. If we stick true to our passions and persevere, success will follow.

While I completely understand where both of you are coming from (ouch, that 13 years of "wasted education" is really harsh), I might be able to shed some light about the parents studying the arts but not wanting their kids to.

In the country that my parents came from, at least, you test into schools and school majors. The "smartest" students (by test score) go into fields like science, medicine, business, and everything follows behind, like the social sciences, humanities, and arts. If they did the arts themselves, they might think that they did all this work to get ahead, even though they themselves didn't study the "successful" subjects revered in Asia today. So it may seem illogical to them if you tell them: "But I want to study X" and they look at you and think: "But why would you want to study X, and when you can study Y, which the smart people studied while I was going to school and is sure to make you much more successful????"

My mother wanted me to do computer science, she's a computer scientist and it make good money.

I think I started out premed, which she was supportive, but not pressuring of. "You can change your mind any time. Don't worry about me." I changed my mind. She suggested computer science. I wanted something else. She was disappointed that I didn't want to follow in her footsteps, but has still been supportive of the plans I come up with. I think she's just concerned about my financial well-being. She doesn't care much about prestige.

College-wise, she wanted me to go to college close to home and wouldn't allow me to leave unless I got into a prestigious school(Stanford or Ivy's, by her standard) as justification.

Did a Bachelor of Engineering (Electrical Engineering) and Bachelor of Commerce (Economics) at University of Auckland, New Zealand (down under we have the option of doing 2 degrees at the same time). Found out I didn't really like Engineering when I was in Year 3, but continued. Got involved with lots of business case competitions (see www.casecompetition.com if you're interested). Worked for 2 years as an engineer - pretty much didn't enjoy it from day 1. Recently moved into strategy and business development at one of the biggest companies in the world. My mum (yes we spell it "mum") every now and then still says "so what profession are you? are you going to be qualified for anything?", to which I answer "University doesn't qualify you for anything anyway, it is a big waste of time to get a few pieces of paper", and she will reply "but you would've been a professional engineer! now you're not going to be anything"...

I had a similar discussion with my mom before. I told her, too many Asian parents think of college as a career builder rather than for pure, intellectual enrichment. There's a difference between a university (a research institute) and a vocational school; we're taught to "think" and we're expected to "do" on our own. Even with my technical major, I'm still taught more theory than practice, and I feel like that's pretty true for most undergraduate degrees. I don't think my parents can get out of the "college = qualification for career" mindset, although I wish they would.

I live in Canada, and I'm heading to McGill next year to study business! I'm aiming for law school; probably corporate law. I guess my choice is sort of influenced by my parents, in that I chose being a lawyer out of a collection of "respectable" employs, but I think because I value so much of what my parents value, and because I'm actually quite interested in the law, that I would've done the same regardless.

wow tori, you are an asian parent's dream