Comments on: I’M NOT ALLOWED TO DATE UNTIL I GET MARRIED.

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By: Jjooyycchheenn

Jjooyycchheenn — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 05:41:00 +0000

As a Taiwanese American, I grew up in a traditional family, very conservative even by “Asian” standards. At times there were strong conflicts between cultures, especially in the awkward teenage years. So I can relate to many of your feelings here. But I’m deeply thankful to my mother and father for the values I have come to live by. As for dating, I had a “boyfriend” in college, when I was first exposed to the “real world”, but we left soon, on peaceful terms thankfully, because I was clearly not ready. I feel my standards are higher due to my upbringing. Now that I have graduated and am in the professional world, I still think of dating and marriage in a serious manner, almost as a calling. While I may have felt at a disadvantage before, I think the way I was raised is meant for the best. As it turns out, I do believe in true love, am ready to make the commitment, and look forward to meeting my husband in person and sharing this life with him.

By: nikki

nikki — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 02:28:00 +0000

I feel like i’m on this path… I’m 14 and ive had one boyfriend… it turned out really bad when my parents found out, they even made me switch schools. my perfect cousin didn’t date when she was younger… now she’s over 29 and never kissed or dated a guy.. she says she doen;t know how to interact with guys. My parents need to understand that’ll happen to me!

By: Anni(Bengali Brit Girl)

Anni(Bengali Brit Girl) — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 00:24:00 +0000

Im not Asian or a ABT but im a Bengali British Asian muslim girl wid parents who have bin mind-numbingly controlling, especially when it comes to dating guys – hell, the main reason why i was put in a girl’s school was so that there would be no chance for me to date guys lol – so even though i’ve experienced this in a different cultural environment to many Asians on this forum, i feel the similarities between my culture and the Asian culture, esp. regarding the issues of girls not being able to date until after college or at all and the guys being able to do whateva they want, even going out til the wee early hours of the nite and not gettin so much as a short grumble from the rents – so freakin unfair!!!!!

This disparity between girls and guys in my family and others like my family are totally meaningless, unfair, discriminating and leave us girls wid no chances to develop a healthy social interactionary skills with the opposite sex, which i have discovered was the main reason why i used to feel reli awkward around guys whilst i was at college, which resulted in me not being able to be myself around them, – thus acting strangely shy, cold and quiet. Here i feel parents from back home (or FOBS) have done us a disservice in not helping to prepare us for this sometimes cruel world and leaving us in the lurch, or crippling us before we’ve even had a fair headstart!

Hence why i have decided not too long ago that enough is enough, life is too short to follow all the rules AND you can’t please everyone, no matter how hard you try, times and things change which may make all your sacrifices not mean one jot whereas before they made your parents have a topic to boast about to their relatives and friends (and yes, this boasting and criticising and comparing to your cousins or siblings does unfortunately happen to us Asian brits too sadly). So i have decided to just live for me, im going to get as much out of life as it can give me, im not gonna let anyone control my life anymore. Heck, i’ve literally bin doin this all my life, literally fighting wid my mother ova cookin, cleaning etc and my relatives who seem to feel that this is all a girl could ever be good at and choose to do in life, well i’ve got news for u aunty – u may cook a mean meal and sweep my floor real clean and stuff but can u speak about sumthing real interesting or intellectual without boring the listener to tears or leaving them wishin tat u had neva opened ur mouth? Well, could u? enough said…

By: twn moms suck

twn moms suck — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 05:15:00 +0000

dude, i just got to say that u are not the only one. i also have a taiwanese mom who is a nightmare..since a young age, she has done anything and everything to prevent me from dating/meeting girls. truly sadistic. and this continues to today when i am in my 30s. i have had already a couple long term relationships destroyed by her shortly after i revealed to her i was dating.
the important thing is to never ever reveal you are dating to a controlling taiwanese mom. ironically she married in her early 20s, w/out her own parental permission (married a non-taiwanese), yet she refuses to allow me to enjoy my basic human rights of having a gf. i think she has narcissistic personality disorder, and views any gf i have as a threat to her. my twn mom is very cunning and tries to create co-dependency by using her money to keep me coming back to her. since i don’t want my future children to ever suffer as i have, i decided not to date any taiwanese girls. anyways, they are the most prude and inhibited of all asian races and 90% are not attractive anyways.

By: Janice Chu

Janice Chu — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 06:13:00 +0000

i am 23 years old and i have been dating my boyfriend for 2 and a half years, and living with him for 2 years. having traditional asian parents i of course cant tell them that a) im living with a boy b) in sin c) and hes not fully asian (although in my defense hes 1/4 chinese, which is the best ive done yet). i managed to finally tell them recently that i have a boyfriend, and my dad spent an entire dinner grilling me about him in a weird, passive-agressive way, asking if he knows kung fu and if he wanted to fight my dad. i just wish they would realize that i am 23 years old, ive lived away from home for the past 6 years and i can make my own choices and choose who i want to be with. i have given up hope of ever telling them about these years that ive been living with my boyfriend, and i hope that it never comes up.

By: Iris Mori

Iris Mori — Tue, 31 May 2011 06:15:00 +0000

When I was 12, my mom sat me down and said this to me:

“If you date a Korean I disown you, if you date a Black I’ll kill you. But Chinese is OK if he’s doctor or lawyer. Rich White boy ok too.”

And of course I respond with “So a yakuza is ok? One with no teeth and no fingers?” because my dad was really into those yakuza J-dramas at the time, so I saw a lot of awesome examples. And of course she says yes, because “he’s Japanese”!!

And now, SO many years later, she tells me this:

“I don’t care WHAT you marry, because I want grandchildren.”

She wasn’t amused when I offered to marry the tempura we were having for dinner.

By: Harmione02

Harmione02 — Sun, 22 May 2011 06:48:00 +0000

Girly! I feel you. Was with my ex for 3 years (recently broke up) we broke up because he couldnt stand being hidden from my parents….i only have a year more of college to go ayet im heartbroken.

By: SMAN

SMAN — Sat, 14 May 2011 05:33:00 +0000

My mother taught me about condoms during my 13th birthday party, so pretty much i’m covered. She allows me to date and such, and I did – once. But it was so drama-tistic and difficult i just simply gave up commiting. My father is a little icky about dating, but that’s what you get for having an asian father

By: Chantell20912

Chantell20912 — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 03:06:00 +0000

Okay so I’m Cambodian/American. Family- I feel that they want to control my life. I mean I like the fact that well they care but I also feel that it’s taking a toll on me. No boyfriends until I’m done with college. WTF!? I’m thinking hell naw! You guys can’t do this. Why not? Because after we break up I’m going to fail school? (1) I’m not a weak person. No guy will make me a broken hearted loser who will not make me concentrate on school. Or we will be all touchy and might get sexual (2) Then give me the talk you guys never gave me! and making us keep our distance will make us more prone to touching- why? Because I haven’t seen him in months or weeks. Seeing him on a daily basis or every week we’ll just become mushy teenagers. School is more important! (3)I understand that and respect that because I also want to start on my career but I also gave eyes and ears. Do you not think I see the sweet couples holding hands or kissing. Do you think that I too want that? That when I can’t go to you guys for help maybe I can go to him? Someone who I can lean my head on. It makes me mad. They say they trust me but they’re acting like they don’t. What do I do? P.s I’m a junior about to be 17 in a couple of weeks. So you might see some of my predicament