(248 votes, average: 1.90 out of 5)
Loading ...Mom: Where are you going?
me: Oh, I’m going to meet up with friends in Hollywood.
Mom: You’re not going to a bar, are you?
me: Um, bye mom, I’m late now, gotta go.
Mom: Remember you need to sell your car at a Bar! Bars are for bad people. You’ll only get bad people buying. You should always go to right Market…NEVER sell your car in a junk yard!
{ 3 comments }
(202 votes, average: 4.55 out of 5) Loading ...“Never give anyone a free trial and take your product home. They must pay full amount first. Because if they get free trial, I know because I sell cosmetics for so many years, they will always return product.”
{ 8 comments }
(417 votes, average: 4.72 out of 5) Loading ...yesterday…
My mom: Is Google broken? Why is the logo not showing? It has a bunch of dots and lines! Come fix it, Olivia!
{ 6 comments }
(210 votes, average: 4.69 out of 5) Loading ...“Don’t be easy. Don’t be like a cow. Chinese people say, if a boy gets the milk for free, he has no need to buy the cow.”
{ 7 comments }
(138 votes, average: 4.46 out of 5) Loading ...From: Mom
Subject: swine flu
My anaks, please be aware of the recent epidemic SWINE FLU! Just like the seasonal flu, it’s spread with human connections like touching hands, sneezing, coughing, etc.
Always wash hands before touching your eyes, nose and mouth. Just always wash your hands. Eric, pay attention to this! You don’t have medical coverage. One reason, I don’t get sick because I constantly wash my hands. I do dishes a lot!
love, mama
to my sister + self concerning the recent swine flu “pandemic”:
Hello. If you get any sick, lket me know.
jenn, I have Tamiflu at home, so I can bring to you.
Katie, You e mail me Pharmacy phone number and e mail to me, so I can call in prescription, you should have in hand in case.
It is me.
I’m a strategy consultant so I fly around twice a week. I was visiting my parents this weekend and all my mother could talk about was swine flu. When I opened my luggage today I found a stuffed plastic baggy full of face masks and accompanying instructions – it turns out my mother had pretty much cleaned out Rite Aid’s inventory by buying 250 face masks for the house.
{ 15 comments }
(256 votes, average: 4.16 out of 5) Loading ...Date: Wed, 22 Apr 2009 11:53:46 -0400
Subject:
From: Me
To: Mom
is there any way you can mail me royal bakery cookies? i miss them 
From: Mom
Date: Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 11:56 AM
Subject: RE:
To: Me
How many cookies do you want? I can priority mail them. It only takes two days. No problem. I’ll put them in a zip lock bag. Better let me know now. I’m about to leave at 9am. I’m waiting for your answer. I’m sitting right here at the computer.
love, mama
{ 15 comments }
(138 votes, average: 4.15 out of 5) Loading ...We LOVE Mom, especially when she’s on vacation mode.
{ 5 comments }
(945 votes, average: 4.84 out of 5) Loading ...Dad bought too many strawberries from Costco for Mom, so Mom insisted on giving me some. So that the strawberries would not get crushed in the 3-minute carride from their home to mine, Mom found the perfect way to transport them.
{ 41 comments }
(344 votes, average: 4.03 out of 5) Loading ...We were on our way to a restaurant where you have to order at the counter, I’m on crutches right now so I told my mom I didn’t want to have to go up so she should order for me… and it got a little complicated.
me: I want baked mostaccioli with marina sauce
mom: No, I’m not ordering for you
me: Come on, I just want to sit.
mom: No, you order. I’ll mess it up and you’ll get mad.
dad: I’ll do it. She wants marinara
mom: No, that’s not what she wants. See he already got it wrong. You order.
me: He got the sauce I want right. I want baked mostaccioli with marinara
dad: Ok, you want baked… mozzarella cheese?
me: No. Baked mostaccioli.
dad: Masta chili? What’s that? Baked masta chili?
mom: (interrupts) No! She doesn’t want baked.
me: Mom, that’s the part he got right… I want baked MOSTACCIOLI.
dad: Baked? Wait, how can they bake pasta?
me: What? What do you mean how could they… NEVERMIND. I’ll order.
mom: Good!
5 minutes later
mom: (to me with a smile) I’m going to eat all of yours. I don’t know how to say it, but I know what it is.
me: OH MY GOD!
{ 9 comments }
(672 votes, average: 4.84 out of 5) Loading ...Mom: Try this! It’s an Italian Easter pie. My friend at work gave me the recipe.
Me: [Takes a bite] Uhhh…
Mom: Can you guess the flavoring?!
Me: … It tastes like fruity pebbles.
Mom: Ta da! [Holds up bag of Jolly Ranchers]
Me: What on earth?
Mom: The recipe called for “candied fruit,” so I asked Dad to pick some up, and he brought back these.
Me: …
Mom: He almost brought back gummi bears, but I told him no.
{ 11 comments }
Believe it or not, My Mom is a Fob is now available in print! Not only does the book showcase your favorite entries as well as never-before-published submissions, it also features essays by the authors, Teresa and Serena Wu, and a forward by comedian Margaret Cho! Grab your copy of the book today on Amazon, Borders, or Barnes & Noble!
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