My Mom is a Fob

It’s the L & R sounds again

Posted on April 4, 2009 at 01:04pm

Today while on an evening stroll together…

Mom: Jennifer, what’s ‘floatee’ mean?
Me: Floatee?
Mom: Yes, floatee.
Me: Oh, it’s this thing that kids wear on their arms so that they can float in the water.
Mom: No no no….FLOATEE. like what men do with their eyes when they like a woman.
Me: You mean … FLIRTING?
Mom: That’s what I said, floatee.
Me: That’s pronounced FLIRTING. and women do that too, and not just with their eyes.
Mom: [attempts to say 'flirting' but has trouble with the L and R interchange] Frilting. Fuh-rutting. You know what I mean. That’s what men do whey they try to attract girl.
Me: [in exasperation] Yes.

Spring is the season

Posted on April 4, 2009 at 12:59pm

My mom forwards all chain mail, jokes, warnings and miscellaneous email spam she gets onto all her loved ones. I still get thrown off by the occasional email that makes me wonder how much she understands of what she’s sending along. Why would you forward the below joke to the rest of your family?! (No, we definitely don’t have that kind of relationship.)

Subject: Easter joke – not the best, but cute

I know what you’re thinking but it’s funny…..

What did the Easter egg say to the boiling water?

“Its gonna take a while to get me hard, I just got laid by some chick.”

Decoding Engrish

Posted on April 4, 2009 at 01:45am

When my mom talks about an “open-hook car,” she MEANS to say open-hood, and by hood, she means roof, so she actually means “convertible.”