My Mom is a Fob

I found Oliver!

Posted on June 24, 2009 at 10:59pm

Taste test

Posted on June 24, 2009 at 04:12pm

I was sick, and my mom decided to bring me some tea.
Me: Mom! This is super hot! I can’t drink this!
Mom: No no, it’s ok. Look. *takes a sip*
Me: *stares at her wide-eyed* Have you lost all of your tastebuds?!
Mom: TASTEBUTTS?! I don’t have tasebutts! You have tastebutts!

In search of weaponry

Posted on June 24, 2009 at 04:09pm

I walked into my room and saw my mom on the computer. I thought, nothing weird about that, but then I looked at the monitor. She was on a website titled Chinese Weapons. All she said was, “I’m looking for nunchucks.”

Certainly not by my mother

Posted on June 19, 2009 at 01:10pm

Me: I don’t think I’m gonna do too well on my exams.
Mom (jokingly): You will do good on exams. Because if you don’t do good on exams, I will fuck you! Do you want to get fucked?!

Prostitution is the new Profession

Posted on June 16, 2009 at 06:56am

Mom: I don’t feel like going to work today. I want to play hooker.
Me: You mean, HOOKEY?!

Seductive examinations

Posted on June 14, 2009 at 08:41pm

Ma: I do not want to colonoscopy. That’s OK. The nurse said I will be seduced.
Me: You mean, SEDATED?!
Ma: Oh. Yeah.

Mastery of foreign languages

Posted on June 10, 2009 at 12:06pm

From: motherwu
Date: Mon, Jun 8, 2009 at 9:59 AM
Subject: Re: EMT job

“don de esta el bon yon?” I used it in Peru, people were IMPRESSED!!!!

love, mom

When body parts combine

Posted on June 2, 2009 at 11:59pm

I came over to my gf’s house one time and I had a stomachache. This is the conversation I had with her mother who is a nurse.

Girlfriend’s mom: Do you want something to eat?
Me: No, I’m not hungry.
Girlfriend’s mom: Why not?
Me: I’m not feeling well. My stomach really hurts…
Girlfriend’s mom: (Deep in thought) Ohhh… It’s probably you have problem with your intesticles.