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Recently it was my birthday, and we rarely celebrate birthdays in my family. In fact, up until the actual day, my mom was telling her friends the wrong date and age. Thus, when my mom told me she got me a birthday cake to celebrate my birthday, I was quite shocked. She tells me she drove all the way to Chinatown to custom order the cake. Here is the cake in all its wonder:
Notice that it says “Happy Birthday Jess.” My name is Jeff, not Jess. Thanks, Mom.
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There was a snowstorm at school, and my mom called to check up on me.
Mom: Did you get home ok last night?
Me: The weather was bad; I didn’t want to go all the way back to my dorm, so I slept over in Travis’ room.
Mom: WHAT?!
Me: It’s ok, Mom! You know that Travis is gay. Nothing happened.
Mom: Oh ok good.
a minute later…..
Mom: So….can the gay still get you pregnant?
And on a separate occasion:
Mom: How is Travis? What is he doing for the holiday?
Me: He’s good! He’s going to spend break with his new boyfriend.
Mom: Oh….is Travis’ boyfriend gay too?
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In an e-mail from Mom, describing how my 6 year-old nephew decorated his room in some computer game:
“Kind of worry when Mark picked a pink ceiling for his room! He changed it to a star sky ceiling. Relief!”
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That trance music is like, “Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch–that’s for people who smoke pot, you know?”
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I called my mom and told her I had a headache.
This is what she sent me:
Hi Cindy,
You may have migraine, which often occurs in the young ladies due to stress, hormone change, and other factor. It is an extremely debilitating collection of neurological symptoms that usually includes a severe recurring intense throbbing pain on one side of the head (although in 1/3 of migraine attacks, both sides are affected). Attacks last between 4 and 72 hours and are often accompanied by one or more of the following: visual disturbances, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, extreme sensitivity to sound, light, touch and smell, and tingling or numbness in the extremities or face. You can take regular pain killer pill, or exceed migraine countertop pill, no kill yourself please. If you come back home this weekend, I can make some good food for you, or we can make some foods and take them to you at the school during the weekend.
How is your school work?
Mom
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Me: Hey Mom, do you know what Emo means?
Mom: Yes
Me: Really??? *not expecting that response*
Mom: Ya… it’s a fish.
Me: What?
Mom: YOU KNOW *looks at me as if I’m completely stupid* … “Finding Emo!”
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My girlfriend’s mom was raised in Korea and is an ICU nurse here now. Her and her sister were giving their mom a hard time about something when she said, “Why are you kids always gangbanging me? It is not nice, you always gangbanging me.” (She meant ganging up on her). They burst out laughing and she just got more upset. “You kids are bad, always gangbanging me!
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While walking to our Chinese neighbor’s house for an Asian party after hosting an Asian party the night before:
Mom: Wow, we are get so much exercise because of party! We should have party every day. It’s like the song on TV — “We have party every day!”
Me: I think you mean “Party in the USA” …
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I noticed my mom was loosing weight and asked if she was doing anything in particular.
She responds, “I am on a low crap diet.”
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