Flubber the ugly puppy
This is from my mom when i told her that my friend is a dog groomer, & she could come over to our place to groom our dog (flubber).
“is your grommer ok or not,otherwise my flubber will become an ugly duck.”
I found Oliver!
Taste test
I was sick, and my mom decided to bring me some tea.
Me: Mom! This is super hot! I can’t drink this!
Mom: No no, it’s ok. Look. *takes a sip*
Me: *stares at her wide-eyed* Have you lost all of your tastebuds?!
Mom: TASTEBUTTS?! I don’t have tasebutts! You have tastebutts!
In search of weaponry
I walked into my room and saw my mom on the computer. I thought, nothing weird about that, but then I looked at the monitor. She was on a website titled Chinese Weapons. All she said was, “I’m looking for nunchucks.”
Certainly not by my mother
Me: I don’t think I’m gonna do too well on my exams.
Mom (jokingly): You will do good on exams. Because if you don’t do good on exams, I will fuck you! Do you want to get fucked?!
Prostitution is the new Profession
Mom: I don’t feel like going to work today. I want to play hooker.
Me: You mean, HOOKEY?!
Seductive examinations
Ma: I do not want to colonoscopy. That’s OK. The nurse said I will be seduced.
Me: You mean, SEDATED?!
Ma: Oh. Yeah.
Mastery of foreign languages
From: motherwu
Date: Mon, Jun 8, 2009 at 9:59 AM
Subject: Re: EMT job
“don de esta el bon yon?” I used it in Peru, people were IMPRESSED!!!!
love, mom
When body parts combine
I came over to my gf’s house one time and I had a stomachache. This is the conversation I had with her mother who is a nurse.
Girlfriend’s mom: Do you want something to eat?
Me: No, I’m not hungry.
Girlfriend’s mom: Why not?
Me: I’m not feeling well. My stomach really hurts…
Girlfriend’s mom: (Deep in thought) Ohhh… It’s probably you have problem with your intesticles.
Self-confidence is key
Via text message:
Mom: Listen! I got my hair done n look fabulous!
Me: haha yay! Whats it look like now?
Mom: Hot
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