My Mom is a Fob

Flight 10-pc Chicken Is Now Boarding

Posted on August 6, 2010 at 08:04am

Mom: When you buying your ticket to Shanghai?
Me: Soon.
Mom: OK, make sure you fly from the airport… KFC airport.
Me: You mean JFK?

Blueberry, More!

Posted on July 12, 2010 at 07:33am

My mom’s recently become addicted to watching a Chinese drama called Mei Yi Tian Xia (????) and she was commenting on how pretty the new Mainland actress was and how much she resembled a certain American actress:

Mom: That one actress from ????, she looks so much like Blueberry!
A long pause as we interpret what she means.
My sis and I: Who? Wait, do you mean Drew Barrymore?

Putting Gay and Gay Together

Posted on July 4, 2010 at 10:56am

When I was updating my mom on my gay friend Drew she got a bit confused:

Me: Yea, Drew is dating someone now.
Mom: So who Drew date?
Me: My other friend, Aswin.
Mom: Oh… (silence)
Mom: Aswin gay too?

Wedgie Shoes

Posted on June 9, 2010 at 11:43am

I was trying to describe to my mom what kind of shoes she had bought me last month, since she claims to have forgotten. The following conversation took place while we were shopping:

Mom: Yes remind me what kind of shoes was it that I bought you?
Me: They were wedges …
Mom: What are wedges?
Me: Um, you know, they are like platforms, the shape looks like a wedge for a door-stopper.
Mom: I still do not know what are these wedgies.  Show me what is a wedgie.

Couldn’t help but picture myself giving my mom a wedgie in the middle of the mall.

Mile-High Club

Posted on May 12, 2010 at 06:36pm

My mom was trying to book a plane ticket to go visit her sister in San Francisco:
Mom: Aunt Esther get free plane ticket because she is freaky flyer
Me: Freaky flyer?!
Mom: She fly all the time!
Me: Oh! FREQUENT flyer!

Blinded by Seduction

Posted on April 21, 2010 at 12:09pm

After a recent screening colonoscopy, I asked my mom if she was got to see her intestines on the TV screen during the procedure.

Not a Dragon Lady

Posted on April 19, 2010 at 10:57am

Me: Hey mom, do you want to go see How to Train a Dragon?
Mom: Why? I don’t have dragon!?
Me: Mom, it’s a movie…
Mom: So? I still don’t have dragon!

Learning About Homosexuality

Posted on March 27, 2010 at 01:42pm

There was a snowstorm at school, and my mom called to check up on me.

Mom: Did you get home ok last night?
Me: The weather was bad; I didn’t want to go all the way back to my dorm, so I slept over in Travis’ room.
Mom: WHAT?!
Me: It’s ok, Mom! You know that Travis is gay. Nothing happened.
Mom: Oh ok good.
a minute later…..
Mom: So….can the gay still get you pregnant?

And on a separate occasion:

Mom: How is Travis? What is he doing for the holiday?
Me: He’s good! He’s going to spend break with his new boyfriend.
Mom: Oh….is Travis’ boyfriend gay too?

The Orientation of Ceilings

Posted on March 21, 2010 at 03:08pm

In an e-mail from Mom, describing how my 6 year-old nephew decorated his room in some computer game:

“Kind of worry when Mark picked a pink ceiling for his room! He changed it to a star sky ceiling. Relief!”

Trance is for Potheads

Posted on March 21, 2010 at 11:38am

That trance music is like, “Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch–that’s for people who smoke pot, you know?”