My Mom is a Fob

V-mail from Grandma

Posted on November 18, 2009 at 10:05pm

Evenlops and oddlops

Posted on October 18, 2009 at 02:00am

(She meant “envelopes” if that wasn’t clear!)

Calling the stars

Posted on January 4, 2009 at 09:01pm

One day, my mom asked me to call my brother on her new cellphone. (She
was very proud of herself from being able to enter in half of the phone book
contacts.) So I typed in my brother’s phone number and dailed. Her phone
said: “Dialing… Sun.”

Labeled just in case

Posted on November 24, 2008 at 01:17pm

Why else a plate of warm eggs would be sitting on the kitchen table in the morning eludes me:

6 a.m. voicemail

Posted on October 25, 2008 at 12:02pm

Jiejie, you should get new boyfriend. The grandma want to see you get marry. Mommy didn’t tell grandma about your old boyfriend the Japanese because grandma is very old and I am afraid you love Japanese make her heart sick and maybe then the grandma die. So Mommy did not tell him. Please find gentle boy and introduce to Mommy and Daddy. OK if Japanese. Just remember to don’t tell the grandma. She is very old. Love you! Don’t call back if you are too busy, Jiejie. Study hard! Bye bye. [5 second pause before click]

Gary Danko is a dirty robber

Posted on October 21, 2008 at 05:19pm

Desperate voicemail from Mom:

I check mail and see bank statement…someone stole your $200!!!! Call bank!!!!! He put name as Gary Danko.

I call her back:

Mom…Gary Danko is a restaurant in San Francisco…

Gchat status: food coma

Posted on October 20, 2008 at 08:03pm

Mom: what do you mean by food coma?
[Voicemail received 30 seconds later:]
Mom: Eric, I saw that you had a food coma? Are you okay? Please call back to make sure that you are okay.

Hay grr-friend

Posted on October 17, 2008 at 07:31pm

Mom: Hey grr!
Mimi: What?
Mom: I said ‘Hey grr!’
Mom: I hear young people say it.
Mimi: I don’t get it.
Mimi: Oh wait, do you mean “hey girl”?
Mom: Yeah, that’s what I said.