My Mom is a Fob

Preventing 7-11

Posted on January 7, 2010 at 12:02pm

Last week, my mom was watching the news that a terrorist was stopped by passengers on a plane during Christmas.

Mom: “We almost had another 7-11 this Christmas, thank god the terrorist was stopped!”

International smoothies

Posted on August 8, 2009 at 06:02am

As we’re passing Jamba Juice, where the sign is very obviously displayed:

Mom: “Do you want to go to Jamaica Juice?”

Flubber the ugly puppy

Posted on July 1, 2009 at 04:01pm

This is from my mom when i told her that my friend is a dog groomer, & she could come over to our place to groom our dog (flubber).

“is your grommer ok or not,otherwise my flubber will become an ugly duck.”

Dating analogies

Posted on April 30, 2009 at 01:58pm

“Never give anyone a free trial and take your product home. They must pay full amount first. Because if they get free trial, I know because I sell cosmetics for so many years, they will always return product.”

Swine aren’t popular these days, but don’t be a cow either

Posted on April 28, 2009 at 11:23am

“Don’t be easy. Don’t be like a cow. Chinese people say, if a boy gets the milk for free, he has no need to buy the cow.”

Decoding Engrish

Posted on April 4, 2009 at 01:45am

When my mom talks about an “open-hook car,” she MEANS to say open-hood, and by hood, she means roof, so she actually means “convertible.”

Shoot it!

Posted on March 13, 2009 at 07:48am

Irritating Reiterations

Posted on March 3, 2009 at 02:03am

“Uhhh she looks dirty, it itterates me, it itterates it iterates.”

Yo Mama is a cellist!

Posted on February 28, 2009 at 12:44am

My mom was once a great cellist and loves classical music. Knowing that, I took her to one of Yo-Yo Ma’s concerts. At a party, I heard her say to a group of her friends,

“…so I went to yo mama’s concert…I went to see yo mama…”

Is your husband a virgin?

Posted on February 28, 2009 at 12:38am

Is johnathan a nun?