My (Korean) mother has trouble getting celebrity names straight. There are a few that she ALWAYS mixes up, no matter how many times I correct her:
“Bronze Pierce” (Pierce Brosnan)
“Goldie Whoopberg” (Whoopi Goldberg … and when I correct her, she asks “What kind of name is Whoopi?” and proceeds to say it wrong again the next time)
“Joe Low” (J.Lo)
My Caucasian dad’s a pastor of an American church. There are no Koreans in the church except my mom. After Bible study, there were prayer requests. My mom raised her hand and gave hers…
“Peas pray po man at work, he goin thru bad circumcisions. He needa our prayers.”
She meant circumstances, NOT circumcision. Imagine my dad’s and my reaction during prayer requests. Let’s just say, it’s quite inappropriate for the Pastor and pastor’s daughter to be laughing during prayer requests.
Time: within one hour of getting off the plane
Location: Sea Empress Restaurant at a dim sum table
Activity: order dim sum
Event: As my mom was sitting down on my right, she saw my acnes on my right cheek. She shook her head as she sighed. I asked, “What is it, ma?”, though I could already guess what it is. However, I did not expect this answer. She said, “After seeing your face, I don’t have appetite no more.”
Fix: From that day on, I wore make up everyday before seeing her.
My mom sent me a text during class
Mom: Today i want you go home and do grass.
she meant mow the lawn
my mom just opened a facebook account today. a few hours later…
“what did you do to me 28 times on the internet???”
(i tagged her in that many photos).
“Do you have lot of pimples now? When Mommy your age I not have pimples because I have no hormones because I very skinny. You eat cheese, so you have fat, so you have lots of hormones so lots of pimples.”
My friend won homecoming king last year. His mom was up on the stage with him when he won and as they were walking off she offered her congratulations: “Can you put this on your college apps?”
We own a dude ranch, and my Taiwanese FoB mother is the cook. One day, a guest brought back a fresh trout for her. She cooked it up, put it on a platter, and thinking she was being very polite in offering the best part of the fish, stood in the dining room and said, “Would anybody like some head?”
On Barack Obama’s upcoming inauguration:
“It is so great to finally have an intelligent president. I think he will definitely expire the younger generations.”
My mom was sick and I went to her room to bring her some tea. Quick
back story, I have a jewelry line on the side. And in her bedridden
delirium, the first thing she says to me:
“How come you have no boob? You need to make a lot of jewelry and get boob job.”