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Yesterday we were in the tile shop, and my lovely mother was discussing with the shopkeeper about the problems she had with her carpet. Basically, the man said that problem was a big one, and that whoever installed the carpet was really stupid. Being frustrated, my mother asked innocently, “What should I do then? Bang them all?”
The man replied, “I don’t think you should, but you go ahead and do what you think is right.”
My sister and I could barely keep a straight face…
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My mom recently came back from Taiwan and sent me a care package filled with Taiwanese goodies. I open the package and peanuts come spilling out everywhere. Apparently, these “Authentic Taiwanese” peanuts were originally in a bag, which wouldn’t fit in the USPS “Flat Rate” box. So to make the most out of her money, she poured the peanuts out of the bag, into the box and let them fill every nook and crevice of the box!
(It literally brings a new meaning to “packing peanuts!”)
Editor’s Note: OMG, pineapple cakes — your mom spoils you!
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My granny is a fob!
So I was about to take a shower today, and my 85-year-old granny asked me to help her to look for her reading glasses, needle and thread. I got them ready for her and head straight to the shower… until I realized I forgot my towels and head back out, only to see that my granny is about to sew up the “rips” from my $120 ripped jeans from Club Monaco!
I screamed and told her to STOP!
“They are ripped … I thought I’d sew it up for you. By the way, why would you buy a pair of ripped jeans? Check carefully when you buy jeans next time to make sure there are no rips.”
I think I also saw patches and I know she would’ve put them on my ripped jean, too. Thank God I stopped her in time — otherwise I’d have ended up with a completely sewn jeans with different color of patches around the knee area too.
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My mom recently learned “The Itsy Bitsy Spider” to sing to my son.
“Tha itchy bitchy spider went up water spout…”
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I was on my way to my internship via subway in Korea one summer and this 60-year old man decided he wanted to hit on me. He came over and told me he would give me his name card and after I rejected him I texted my mom to tell her what happened. Her reply: “psycho like that need to get their penis thin sliced. mommy good at cooking and chopping, i do it for you. take his name card.”
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Today, I was wrapping some Nike Dunks, a birthday present for a friend, when my mom came into my room with a handful of gaudy smiley face napkins. She claimed that the napkins’ colors matched the shoes perfectly, and that the smileys would make my friend “happy happy”. She then proceeded to fold little flowers out of them and stuck them in the tops of the shoes before wrapping them. She’s cute. And has an eagle eye for color.
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I walk into the living room one day and find my mom standing in front of the coffee table shuffling her feet. She’s staring intently at her laptop screen with what appears to be a youtube exercise tutorial playing in the back. I ask her what she’s doing and she responds proudly, “The moonwalk!”
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I walked into my room and saw my mom on the computer. I thought, nothing weird about that, but then I looked at the monitor. She was on a website titled Chinese Weapons. All she said was, “I’m looking for nunchucks.”
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For my first trip to Korea, my family’s homeland, my mother very neatly sowed a ziplock bag filled with three hundred dollars to the crotch of my favorite pair of underwear. When I protested, she said to me, “li-bah-kah! Never trust Korean people!” Then she showed me how to hand wash them every night with ivory soap so that the money wouldn’t get wet.
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When I was in sixth grade, I walked into the living room while my mother was watching a movie. She looks at me horrified and says, “What kind of movie is this?” I picked up the box. It’s Godfather – mom, this movie is really violent. It’s about gangsters. “It’s not about God?” No mom, that’s God THE Father, this is THE Godfather.
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