Dirty talk
Tonight my mother and I went to dinner. Upon leaving the restaurant, we noticed a cute little tabby cat laying on the dashboard on the inside of a car. We went over and said hi to the kitty, upon which we joked about how her own cat would sometimes sneak into her car if she leaves the door open unattended.
Me: Oh! Look at this cute little kitty in the car!
Mother: I wonder if they know he’s in the car?
Mother: Go back inside the restaurant and ask if anyone left their pussy in the car!!!!
after fits of laughter, I start to get into our car…
Mother: No! Seriously…
(couple walks past the car)
Mother: Maybe it’s their car! (rolls down our car window and points at the kitty-harboring car) HEY! Is that your car? Your pussy is out in the car!!!
(186 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5)
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I found this in my old wallet. It’s in my mom’s writing and has to be at least 5 years old. I tried to get it redeemed, but no go.
Natural Rockbander
My mom killed it! 
Cutest Besh, I mean Best Wishesed!
(73 votes, average: 3.7 out of 5)Visual dinner signs
Yesterday my aunt invited me over for dinner. To my surprise I found this on the dinner table:
Your Precious!!! ^-^
On Mother’s Day, I had left a card and chocolates for my mom to find in the morning. That morning, she had written us this note on the back of an old envelope:
Thanks for the card and chocolate. I know they are your precious!!! ^-^
Taste the milk before you drink. Is it turn bad? I taste it seems ok.
All I can think is gollum going “myy precciooussss”
Welcome Home!
I always come home from school for winter and summer breaks. My mom and grandma like to make me feel welcome…
Awesome pin-yin
From: “hailee ”Date: May 5, 2009 1:54:51 AM EDTTo: “‘Natasha ‘”Subject: Michael’s wedding
Dad made a mistake, it’s on the weekend of Labor Day not Memorial Day. He took extra day off for this, now I have to cancel hotel and flights. Dad is getting Whoo-Lee-Whoo-too!!
Transcript blemishes
AP testing week is rather stressful and tiring, so I asked my mom if I could take Tuesday off from school to study for the two other APs I have this week. My mom agreed to let me do so until she suddenly thought of one minor detail I seemed to have missed.
Mom: Are you sure that’s okay? Won’t they mark you retarded?
Me: … No. I think you mean tardy, Mom. D:
Neither Nor
inheriting lactose intolerance from the maternal side of things seriously sucks. so, half-joking + half-serious, i tailed off an email with:
i need a colonoscopy!
love, _____
result:
I heart Mint tea ,ginger tea helps belly with gas.
result two:
I heard , nor heart
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