Seeking nice b*tches

May 6, 2012

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One time we were in California on a family vacation and my mom was driving around looking for a nice beach for us to hang out at.  She pulls up to a pedestrian, rolls down her window and asks, “Excuse me do you if there are any nice bitches around here?”

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Shake it

May 6, 2012

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (7 votes, average: 4.14 out of 5)
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For the longest time, my mom didn’t know that one line from “Hey Ya!” by Outkast goes “shake it like a polaroid picture!” Up until the time I corrected her, she’s been singing “shake it like a bowl of pizza!”

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You Are What You Eat

February 11, 2012

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Mom: and today tony had a surgery ,cut some things from nect [tony is my dad, and she meant neck]
Me: what? what things?
Mom: meat
Me: why?
Mom: meat ball
Me: hahahahaha so nothing bad?
Mom: he eat too much meat so it grow in the neck

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Happy Humping Day

November 18, 2011

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (47 votes, average: 3.94 out of 5)
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Mom: Today I learned something new at work.
Me: What’s that?
Mom: What day is today?
Me: Wednesday?
Mom: Yes, so then?
Me: I don’t get it.
Mom: Wednesday is the humping day!! Halfway done work so means it is the humping day for everyone!!!
Me: MOM It’s not “humping” day, it’s “HUMP” day, like the hump of a camel or a mountain!!!

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Tasty Topic

November 13, 2011

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (43 votes, average: 4.14 out of 5)
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My mom, sister and I are at the mall.
Mom: Do we need to go to Hot Pocket?
Sister: … You mean Hot Topic?

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Facebook Chubs

November 7, 2011

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (67 votes, average: 4.60 out of 5)
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You are a Loser

October 29, 2011

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (49 votes, average: 4.57 out of 5)
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Mom: You know that show “You Are A Loser”?
Me: You mean “Biggest Loser”?
Mom: Yeah that one.

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Backsplash Prevention

October 26, 2011

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (52 votes, average: 4.69 out of 5)
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Our mom tries to keep the windows splatter-free.

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Hi Mess

October 23, 2011

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (67 votes, average: 4.75 out of 5)
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Subject: hi Mess

your new nick name is Mess because you are a mess. work harder on your career.
mom

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Aggressive Smileys

October 3, 2011

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (50 votes, average: 4.46 out of 5)
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